2 Comments

1. 

   RyanMalik August 31, 2013

   I have a few questions about bipolar that I’m hoping could be answered on here…

   1) How can you help someone with bipolar if they’re refusing support?
   2) What is the best way to attempt to reconcile with someone suffering from bipolar – my mother has the condition and I’m hoping we can solve our differences?
   3) Do you have to give a bipolar suffer space to calm down and mellow out?
   4) What support can I obtain as the son of a bipolar mother – ie emotional support?

   Reply
   • 

     JoeKraynak September 1, 2013

     Hi, Ryan–

     I’m sorry you’re having to struggle with this. Every child should feel loved and welcome in his own home. If it is any consolation to you, your Mum really isn’t herself when she’s experiencing mania or depression. She may say and do things that are completely out of character for her. Even when you understand that, the words and actions can still hurt, but maybe the sting will be a little less.

     Here are answers to your questions:

     Question 1: How can you help someone with bipolar if they’re refusing support?

     Answer 1: This is one of the most frustrating challenges. Many people have found the LEAP approach helpful. LEAP stands for Listen, Empathize, Agree, Partner. LEAP grew out of Xavier Amador’s work and his book, I Am Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help! How to Help Someone with Mental Illness Accept Treatment. To find out more about LEAP, visit the LEAP Institute.

     Question 2: What is the best way to attempt to reconcile with someone suffering from bipolar? My mother has the condition and I’m hoping we can solve our differences.

     Answer 2: Based on my experience, you will not make much progress in this area until your Mum is receiving effective treatment. The best you can do right now is prepare yourself by learning more about bipolar disorder, which it seems you are already doing. Understanding that bipolar disorder is an illness and not a character flaw and not anyone’s fault is a big first step. Learning effective ways to communicate and problem-solve are also very helpful. You can do this through books, educational programs that focus on mental illness (such as NAMI’s Family-to-Family program, if it is offered near you), and even your own therapy.

     Question 3: Do you have to give a bipolar suffer space to calm down and mellow out?

     Answer 3: Yes. From my experience, bipolar disorder often feeds on confrontation. Try not to engage in arguments. Using “I” statements to express your feelings is a much less confrontational way to communicate. I’m sure you can find plenty of information online about using “I” statements. Again, it’s important that your Mum receive effective treatment first, before trying to work on relationship issues.

     Question 4: What support can I obtain as the son of a bipolar mother; that is, emotional support?

     Answer 4: In the U.S., the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offers educational programs and support groups specifically for family members. You may want to find out if you have something comparable in your area. If not, you may be able to find support groups online.

     I hope this helps. Wishing you and your family all the best!

     Reply