February 1, 2017

I am at my wit’s end. I have been dealing with my bipolar Boyfriend for 8 years. He refuses to admit he is bipolar and won’t get help, won’t see therapists. He self-medicates with marijuana. It is such a shame, because he can be so good, but when he is having an episode I go through complete hell. It always leads to a fight, then he disappears, will not talk to me, refuses to answer any of my texts or calls. I then just go about my daily life, but I can’t help thinking and asking myself what I did wrong, because I still keep thinking it’s all my fault, because that’s how he makes me feel.

I only recently really realized he is bipolar after a friend suggested I take the online test for him. I was in complete shock how he matched almost every question… it really is very sad. I have tried to help him so many times, but he just doesn’t listen; you just can’t get through to him. Occasionally he will admit he has mood swings, but he thinks he is normal and that everyone has mood swings and the way he acts is OKAY and that we are all in the wrong and I am unsupportive if I say anything about how he is.

He accuses me of the most ludicrous things. ACCUSATIONS are insane… accusing me of cheating and preferring someone else is something he uses over and over-and he really believes these accusations, which are totally off the wall. I give him no reason to think I am cheating — he just accuses me.

Recently a few of our incidents were known to friends, and each one of them said there is no way you would be (he accused me of meeting one of their married friends)… going out with him behind his back. I told him this, that no one thinks or would ever think I would meet him… and he only says, “I don’t care what other people say… I know what I think, and that’s what’s right.” So I can be in a room of 50 people, and each will tell him something is blue, and he will not listen and believe it’s white no matter what truth is before him.

It’s so just so hard to go through this. I have tried to leave him so many times but I feel so guilty and then he comes back all normal and charming and it’s so great again, until that next episode happens.

But now things have gotten worse-he had a fight with his son and he threw the first punch and the kid had him arrested and he was put in jail overnight. After this, he really went off the deep end. I got him from jail and it wasn’t 4 hours later we went to dinner, had a lot of alcohol, and on the way home, he got out at the red light and started walking. I tried calling him, driving all over looking for him and he just texted me “F U.” Won’t talk to me, refuses to call or reply to my messages. It was only from his family I was able to find out he’s staying with them.

He does live with his son and isn’t allowed there because of the fight, so I was under so much worry not knowing where he was staying. The other big trouble is too is his family refuses to see he has a real problem they just sweep it under the rug. I know going to prison even though I know it was because of his son, who also is bipolar and is totally out of control, it really set him into a bad funk being arrested. ALL I do is read self-help articles and books to get me through all this, but I am at wit’s end. He was living with me before his son looked him up after many years. He son was absolutely insane and I had told him to leave and so my BF went with him. Yes it is better since they moved out for my state of mind. I also have developed a heart condition (h flutter, high BP) from all this. It’s not easy trying not to have a stroke when each month my life is turned upside down. I don’t know what to do.