January 30, 2010

Nine years (in the 80s) of exclusive role as stay-at-home-mom to two little ones cost me what seemed like my sanity. Not a reflection on my two fine, young boys, but rather a manifestation of multiple factors. I lived in a rural small town, very provincial, very dull – with a capital D. I was experiencing mania, but didn’t have a name for it. Experienced depression as well, but chalked it up to the depressing environment and lack of money. I had virtually nothing in the way of social outlets, and while I had dabbled in dance in my early adult years, there was nothing to be had of that type artistic outlet.

My husband worked as a very under-paid high school teacher. Many fantastic thoughts went through my head. Positive ones like those befitting the grandiose thinking pattern of a manic. And negative ones like suicide, running away, divorce. I languished for a long time and then “cracked up” one night when it all came crashing down on me in a frenzy of psychotic thoughts that included Satan and Jesus both of which I thought I was! Anyway, we moved shortly thereafter to another state where my diagnosis was made and I began treatment.

I am happy to say those days are behind me and I now enjoy a more well-balanced lifestyle as I tap dance as a teacher and performer in a variety of venues. Just a year ago I fulfilled a 35 year old goal to finish college and graduate with my B.A. in Communication Studies. My grown sons have made their mark, the oldest as an English teacher in Japan, and my youngest as an actor. And I have a 32 year old marriage. Whew! That was close.