Posted September 25, 2011

I was diagnosed with bipolar about 4 years ago when I was 48. I have known something was wrong for many many years. I have a sister who is bipolar and also schizophrenia as well, so it is hereditary. I was afraid of having to take medication and the treatment that I would receive from my friends and co-workers.

After my first manic episode, I was hospitalized for 10 days when I was officially diagnosed. I thought I was being followed by my boyfriend, the police and the FBI. I was working in an Investment Advisory position and was very smart. I even thought that the cleaning lady and the man that were in the bank after hours were undercover cops and were keeping tabs on me. One evening, I received an email at 2am from my boyfriend, who lived in Florida. I lived in Michigan. Through conversations in the past, I believed him to be here and that he didn’t call me.

I left home at 2:30am to go over to his friends’ house where he stayed when he was home. I believed that I saw his truck drive out of a driveway a block away and that he proceeded to chase me down. I topped a hill and quickly hit my brakes, took a left; turned around and turned off my lights and the vehicle sped on by. I followed it to the next city and it was driving around in a supermarket parking lot. I thought it was looking for me. I in turn then called my neighbor, and wanted to know if anyone had been at my house – thinking that the truck went to my house looking for me. Arriving home, I then went to my other neighbors’ house and wanted to know if he had seen anyone at my home… The truck driving around in the parking lot was plowing snow!!

Many other occurrences happened over the span of a couple months and I was then hospitalized by my children. They would have gone to court to hospitalize me if I had not agreed to. My boss would not let me return to work without a doctor’s slip as well. To make matters worse, I was working on a commission-only position and lost out on 5 weeks of potential pay, which was not amounting to enough to even pay my bills. The night I was hospitalized, I went to my son’s to spend the night, as I kept stating that someone was breaking into my house and that I had been raped. This is what concerned them that I could not even stay in my own home because of fear….

While in the hospital, I thought that there were undercover cops checking to make sure that I was safe from my boyfriend, whom I thought was drugging me in my water and coffee. Also, that I was being film tape recorded in my room; due to a police seminar that I had gone to. Medicated, I was released by my order and not by my doctor. I quit taking the meds because I could not afford them and also thought I was not sick.

Two years later, I lost 8 jobs in a year and a half period… and ran into a devious woman who connived another man (her boyfriend) but was never proven to swindle me out of money… over $50,000. She cried hardship to me and that she had life insurance to pay me back. Several times a day, most during the wee hours, she would call frantic for cash. She demanded cash every time she needed money, or gift cards, and I kept every receipt, which helped save me.

Several weeks later… lots of stuff too numerous to mention; my son prosecuted her with the local prosecutor and she is now in prison for 2-15 years and has been ordered to pay me back an agreed upon amount of $40,000. It was easier for the prosecutor and the judge and me to agree on this restitution amount, other than have to have the judge review every single receipt. As I know I will never see the money; as she is a welfare baby….

Now, I am on disability, am on 4 different kinds of meds, and am stabilized to a degree.

Life has been hard. I lost 3/4 of my IRA, still owe $37,000 on my house; which will be paid off in 10 years when I am 62. I struggle to make that payment. I spend about $40 a month on groceries, as I have had to budget very strictly. I do save enough money for my house insurance, taxes, and car insurance and an extra $100 a month for emergency needs. There is no man in my life, as who would want these burdens on his shoulders?

My family are my strength and I trudge along….