Posted October 16, 2010

I have been meaning to tell my story as a means of therapy. I just need to get it out so here goes.

I believe my mother is bipolar although never diagnosed as such. My father died of obesity, and both of my brothers are angry with addictive personality, so needless to say I was bound to have something wrong, I just didn’t know it yet.

I got sick two years ago. Too much stress is what brought it on. My best friend died of cancer, I had a falling out with my family (as a result, I have no contact with them anymore), and my business failed all in the same year.

It was simply too much, and my mind just snapped. I started out by having grandiose thoughts that were completely unrealistic. I thought the government was after me, that they were listening to my every word. I believed I had the gift of prophecy and that the government wanted to have my vote as it would help determine the presidency. I know it is really out there, and that was just the first couple of weeks.

As time went on, I believed my husband was trying to hurt me. That my community wanted me gone. That people could hear my every word, and finally at the very end of it I believed people could hear my thoughts.

I threw my husband out of the house twice, I couldn’t watch TV, get on the computer, or listen to the radio.

Although through all of that I never felt anything bad about my kids. I still could love them, and it helped me to have them around. I felt safe with them.

Anyway, it wasn’t enough to keep me from thinking about suicide. I was never sick before and I suffered like this for 4 to 5 months. I simply got to the point where I could not go another day.

When I told my husband, he just broke down crying and I mean balling. I never saw him cry so hard. It was then that I believed him, he simply could of not fake that, and that is when I told him we should go get help.

The other thing that brought me out of my sickness was the counselor told me not to believe my thoughts. That struck me as being so odd for him to say that. And then I decided to go see a psychiatrist. The first thing she asked me was can you watch TV or listen to the radio and I said no.

I was so shocked she knew to ask me that. We then worked on a cocktail that worked for me and got me out of that horrible nightmare. Once I got the right combo it worked almost immediately.

It has been two years now, and I am still free from being ill, although at times if I am not sleeping I get scared that I might get sick again.

But now I am educated and can see the signs or notice when my thoughts are not realistic. I take my medicine on a regular basis and exercise 4 days a week. That really helps.

I hope my story can help someone else who is suffering. No one can understand how scary it is until you have gone through it. I would be more than willing to speak to someone who needs the help.

Bye for now,

Marie