May 30, 2008
I’ve been married for 15 years, and have 3 kids, 11, 12, and 14. My wife is extremely understanding. She has to be, because my mother is bipolar, and has exhibited the symptoms of it for as long as I can remember. Her mother also had the same behavior. Thankfully, I’m not biologically related to her. She is now in her mid 70’s, and is physically separated from my father (most of the time, anyway). She was diagnosed at least 3 times that I know of, the most recent was after she was involuntarily committed while on holiday. She took her prescribed meds for a few days, and then quit.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, can convince her that she has a problem and needs them. Not the threat of missing her 50th anniversary, not even eliminating contact with my kids, her grandchildren. At this point, I really have no hope that she will ever improve, even if she is medicated.
Unfortunately, I think that the stress is going to kill my father. Either that, or she will become physically violent.
I started blogging my story when she was so manic that she was actually having delusions. That was in April of last year, and a lot has happened since then.
I’ve only recently been made aware of just how I have been affected by it. I had thought that I was lucky to have escaped relatively unscathed, but that no longer seems to be the case. I have no memory of events that my relatives witnessed, and I’m wondering if my memory problems are somehow related to coping mechanisms that I developed when I was young.
I have read your book, as did my father. He and my cousin went through it while Mom was in the hospital. Unfortunately they highlighted things that they thought were significant, and Mom found the book on our trip home.
HI, i read this story and this is almost exactly the same way my father is acting. I don’t know what to do about it. He consistently yells at my mother, and says things that aren’t mentally healthy. He wakes up almost every morning sometimes at 4a.m. and starts yelling at my mother. He’s had a long history of Bipolar manic depression. What can you do with people like this?
Hello,
First, if someone will not accept that they have a problem, then you must go about the business of protecting yourself and loved ones. Setting up proper boundaries and not enabling their behavior. People who are in their elder years are not going to change.
When we are children, we suppress things that are done to us by those who are supposed to protect us. Abuse does not have to be sexual to be traumatic. You will need to decide whether remembering is worth bringing us the other things that will come with remembering. I suggest that you speak to a counselor who specializes in adult survivors of child abuse.
I’m in a bad fix too. My bi-polar mother does the same as the fellow’s above, only my dad left 13 years ago and moved out of state.
I am the only daughter-“all she’s got”-to use and abuse. She has been put in hospital and diagnosed bi-polar-won’t take medicine-there’s nothing wrong with her according to her. She’s wrecked her house with
living and dead cats all around-I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Both my parents were abusive to me and I now have as little to do with them as possible.
I started remembering some of the abuse and it has really upset me-I couldn’t remember either.
I am 49 and doing well with my own family and don’t know what to think, do, or feel anymore
about my mother. Someone from our town always asks me or my 20 year old son how she is
doing and/or why don’t we do this or that for her. There’s nothing I can do. I tried to help her a million time before-
my husband and I have gave her money, got her medicine, and helped I her clean her house as she left me cleaning and
went off shopping. I hate her and think it’s very awful that I have to pay for being born to
such pathetic mean people who would abuse their own child or any child. I haven’t really helped her @ all since last May. I just want to be free from her finally. It pisses me off that
people would ask my son such stuff too. He had to take me to the ER last week and I am never
sick and he was in final exams. Then some ass told him he/we needed to check on her because
she was ill. She never gave a damn about me when I was sick ever,unless it was for show.
She’s prob. bad-mouthing us all over town or something. I don’t care-I just wish I could finally
be @ peace from her and some healing from my mother and father.
I feel your pain. I am 43 and my mother went crazy when I was 2 from what her 2 sisters say. My dad had taken her to doctor and she was diagnosed manic depressive then and threw out meds/script out the car window and “nothing is wrong with me” crap. She is 69 now and progressively over the years the manic depression has spread out into straight bipolar, psychotic behavior. She was verbally and physically abusive to my father and me. They split when I was in 3rd grade and she directs it all at me since. She makes things up like hallucinations or something, lies, and just shows up to house at all times whenever she gets the urge, bangs on doors aggravating neighbors, walks in house God forbid you forget to lock a door, starts doing stuff to property and house itself. I have completely stopped all contact with her before for years and then a few years ago, she kind of acted like she was a little better but then it just started all over again and even worse. I want to be free from her too. I just want to be as far away as I can get. Unless you talk to people that are going through same thing, it feels like you are alone in the battle. “Shes still your mom” crap. No one understands how severe the affects are and the things people like this do and say. She has ruined relationships of mine because no man wants to deal with that. I am to point that I am thinking of committing her or having her arrested if she shows up at my house one more time after being told not to. My mother does stuff for show as well. Most of the time, you could be in middle of normal conversation like ” the sky is a pretty blue today” and next thing you know be cussed and screamed at for no reason. I refuse to have that around me. I want to be stress free and happy. She literally makes my chest tighten to point of feeling like I am having a heart attack.
My mother is bipolar and it has taken me a long time to understand that it was not my fault, that she was sick, not up to me to make her better. I am very sad for the years she has lost to her illness. My own healing began when I had my own children. Being the kind of mother that I wish I’d had has enabled me to make peace with the past. I wish the same for you.
A few years ago, I wrote about my experiences in our local paper. Here’s the link:
http://www.freedom-center.org/pdf/12-04_valley_advocate_mentally_ill_family_cover.pdf
Hello, I read this and I relate so much because I’m 30 years old and married. Live with my husband and my mother. She’s of course bipolar and stresses me out. She depends on me 24 seven its Like I don’t have a life. I feel responsible and she’s loving and abusive verbally. My dad died five years ago 6 sorry and since then its been me . I feel like I’m living his bath and I know he wouldn’t want me to. My mom wants to be served hand and foot. What can I do. I’m not working cause its gotten to the point that I have to walk her to gigs bath room can’t take it anymore. I feel like I make her more stress bc I get stresses or I’d I don’t do what she’s says she acts like a child. It’s not our fault and how do sink that in my head. How did you do it.
Iv always wondered if my mom was boipolor. she has mood swings that drive the whole family crazy i am 17 years old and have a 12 year ol d brother that she favors (the golden child). i get everything i want without her even having to think about it , but once she buys those things for me she will hold them over my head like holding candy over a two year olds head but never really gives it to them. For example she just bought me a new truck, then this morning she got mad and told me she was going to sell it out from under me.. i love my mother dont get me wrong but the littlest things will set her off. Like when her phone doesnt work and locks up she freaks out an starts yellling and screming at it also if we ask to help her and she just keeps hitting her phone like she is having a temper tantrum. she will do it out in public often it get very embaressing to us. She will randomly get in a bad mood and take it out on my brother and I. Then she will be in a bad mood for the rest of the day if not for a couple days. She is convinced that i am biopolor. I couldnt stand the way she was acting and always putting us down. She would get in my face and screm and yell at me and hit me. She would always tell me”she wishes i was neer born”, “she hated me”, “wished i would fall over and die” “im the worst daughter ever” and stuff that would really just hurt me from the inside out. Finelly the words got so bad and the smaks across my face got worse i couldnt take it any long and fought back and ended up hitting her. we got villent twice . I moved out last year around march, it gave us some time apart we go along perfect whe i was living away from her, i didnt move back in til 8 mounths later . Since i have moved back i have been calm and have learned to deal with her and her anger problems, but she has gotten worse much worse. i cant ever explain her. most people that have just met her think she is wonderful which she is. she is a wonderful giving person. I am blessed to be her daughter, but behind closed doors is another story. I have had friends stay the night over at my house and never want to come back again because of her language, her rude remarks, her loud voice, and her screming. i have only one friend that will come back all the time and she is the only one that can relate to my mom. Her mom is the same way. My mom tells me i have the one that is “crazy”, “biopolor” i use to believe it for years, but when i moved out for those 8 months the poeple that i lived with told me that it is not me that is biopolor, it is her. We could all see it . My brother use to be on her side, he use to tell me “jess you shouldnt talk bad about her she is your mom she, its your fault anyways”. She would fill his head up with all of these lies “that im the bad one”, “im the reason she gets mad all the time”, but thankfully last night my mom was on the phone with this man she met on “Date Hookup” , my mom was useing my brothers phone charger because hers wasnt working. she was flirting with this man and was refusing to be inturupted, my brother went in there and said “here my i fixed your charger mamma”. She blow up in his face scremed and him when she hung up that phone told him she “wishes he was never born” he ran to my room crying. I couldnt beleive she had told him that, he told me he now beleived that she had problems and begged me to find out what so we could get her help. If anyone knows what her problem is please let me know. sorry for the misspelling of words i am in school attemping to do this with out teacher seeing. Thank you to all who having read this and
Hi, Im 15 years old and going through the same thing. I know how it feels like to feel small, and to have a mom who crushes your self esteem. You arent alone, your story is overall mine. I have a 9 year old and 17 year old sister and we fight with my mom all the time. The other day my friends were over and my mom and i got into a fight, so i went to my room crying and stayed there by myself… my friends were watching tv downstairs so they didnt realize. My mom came in and started talking shit about them to me… calling me crazy and saying i need help etc. My friends are terrified and im so embaressed because I dont want them to pity me, i dont want them to treat me differently and thats why i no longer invite friends over. I have one best friend who understands my situatuon because i’ve told her everything… shes on of the few people ive been able to open up to. What i think both are moms have are some type of mood disorder. Recently my mom got angry at me because i didnt get defend her in a fight between my sister and her. I told her i didnt want to get involved in THEIR fight and she started yelling at me telling me im a phycopath, that im the worst daughter, that im stupid and an idiot etc. I yelled back at her causing basically fire w fire which is NO good. I told her she had to take medication and that shes crazy which i know was too far but it was hard for me to not blow up when ive been holding in my anger for so long. Just like you, i love my mom. When shes happy and in a good mood she can be the best person to be around but it happens too often where my mom starts a fight over the smallest of things. Most moms will ground you or tell you to go to your room if you behave bad but my mom starts letting out so many insults that i doubt she remembers what she says. My mom still denies that she has ever said the words ” i hate you” but she has, and i dont know wether shes embaressed to admit she has or if she cant remember. I know your struggle, i know the difficulty of trying to protect your sibling from the truth. The other day my little sister started crying when my mom yelled at me and called me the worst daughter ever and a bunch of other insults. I was more sad for my sister then i was for myself. No 9 year old should have to hear their mom yell like that or behave in that way. I yelled at my mom and told her shes crazy for yelling like that in front of a 9 year old. My mom told me once that shes so happy to have my little sister because she never fights w her and that my sister told my mom that she will never fight with her. My little sister is only 9 years old and i know the confusion shes feeling with me mom, she feels like my mom is right but is scared of her too. I dont thnk that my mom remembers that when I was little i said the exact same thing to her.. .” I will never fight with you.” I remember my older sister and my mom fighting and i would always think that my sister did something to deserve all the insults she got from my mom, i thought my sister really did something wrong. As i got older, i started fighting w my mom and those fights started happening over the stupidest things like asking to go the mall. Im telling you this because i want you to know that you are not alone. I’ve had to accept that if my mom never accepts that she has a problem, she will never change. When i told her she needs medicatuon she got so angry. My advuce to you is to stop clinging so much to the things your mom says to you. i know its hard because i know theres nothing we can do to stop the pain but just dont argue back. Its hard for me because im still trying to learn but both my therapist and my dad told me that if i keep fighting back, the fight will only get bigger because she will never accept shes wrong. Its like she doesnt see anything wrong w the way she reacts and i dont understand how but she doesnt. I always want to fight back because I want her to understand how i feel but the thing is that she never will. It makes me angry when i see people have good relationships w their moms. i always think ” why cant that be me? why cant i be as open to my mom?” i think we just have to accept that we really dont have the relationship w our mom we wished of having as much as we DO LOVE THEM. I do love my mom, im greatful for her, but im also very confused about her. I never feel so much hatred w anyone as i do w her when she behaves the way she does. Shes an amazing person but her mood swings are frustrting and they hurt me, and i feeel like every day im just breaking even more. i never know if she means the things she says but one thing i do know is that she does love me and would do anything for me and although i dont know you, i think your mom is probobly the same. I’m sorry i wrote so much, i just had to let it all out and i know you did too. I think its easier to just give her the point when shes angry and yelling bc according to her you will never be right. For example if she says something like ” your an idiot and your worthless” its better to just stay silent, or say sorry or walk away. Normally i would say to not let people screw you over but this is a different case. The fight and emotional abuse will only get worse if you fight fire with fire. If you dont fight back, you’ve won because shell have nothing else to say. I know its hard and difficult to do, but you can do it… im still trying to take that advice myself :/ if you need anyone to talk to im here, i really do understand how difficult this must be for you.
I do not know how you can survive and live the rest of your life without counseling to help you work thru all of that abuse. Most major cities have some type of free counseling services. I was emotionally, verbally, and physically abused and I never sought counseling. I’m in my late 50’s now and I can say I just finally woke up and released those abusive chains from my heart and soul only when I hit 5o. Please do not do what I did and -work it out myself- I missed out on a lot of life that way. The issue is her, not you. Although abusers have a knack for making it seem as if it was you. They will make you look bad in public and attempt to get you in trouble. Only G_d can judge her ultimately. Only he knows how much she has the ability to control and how much is a sickness beyond her control. No matter how bad it gets, please, in your heart, always have love and compassion for her….even though you may never get any in return. I just happened to come across this website and I see its been a few years since you left that letter. Yours was difficult to read as I feel so bad for you. Please seek counseling. You, even if you find out what 1 or more issues your mom has….you will never be able to fix her. There is no amount of talking to solve the situation. She has to choose to see a therapist, and you must realize the chances of that are slim. Help yourself on how to cope. You conveyed your thoughts and feelings very well. You will be in my prayers and I truly mean that.
I am the daughter of a bipola mother. I grew up with it my whole life and am still dealing with even though I am now a grown, married woman with three children. My mother and I have a volitile relationship. I have a younger brother who has always broken all the rules and treated my parents with disrespect since he was a child-and has continued to do it even though he is also now an adult. I played by all of the rules and my mother, to this day, is constantly taking out all of her frustrations on me and going weeks without talking to me and blaming me for every thing that goes wrong in our family. She has never gone without talking to my brother regardless of what he has done. This has been going on my whole life. I have even nicknamed my brother “the golden child” because she continues to baby him and stick up for him all the while making life hell for me. I wonder if any one else has experienced this-people with a bipolar parent I mean. The difference in the way I have always been treated and the way he has always been treated is obvious to everyone but her.
Hi , my name is Daniela and also married. My mom is bipolar and no matter what we are always wrong or bad. My mom us always been like that even to my sisters. We are always bad daughters. It’s a little different but she always compared other people’s kids to us. I always wanted to say does there mom treat them like you do us. It’s a never winning situation.
Hi Kelli,
My brother was a great kid. Good at surviving our mother although it has taken a toll on him. I too called him the Golden Boy…but now I realize that he will always feel he has to carry the brunt of her issues. Sad for him. I have suffered too. However she focused on two younger siblings once I no longer served as her scapegoat. She has made life hell for our family.
Kelli; Hi, your experience is remarkably similar to mine. I have no idea if mom is bi-polar–I am looking for answers to why she hates me and focuses her venom on me alone. My dad and brother never believe me when i tell them what she does and says. She always waits till we are alone. Then she claims i was rude and they come down on me. Its been this way all my life. I too am married with 3 kids. My brother is the “golden child” as well. Never got a harsh word that I could remember. He’s a college professor now. I used to think I was crazy when I was a kid. I never knew what kind of mood she’d be in. So how do i find out if she’s bi-polar? If i brought it up dad and brother would never listen and just get mad at me.
can anyone suggest a good self help book about dealing with a bipolar mother?
Yes, there is a good one called: My mother is bipolar, so what am I? or something like that. I dislike the title, b/c it denotes that people ‘are’ their illness. I don’t consider people with mental illness to ‘be’ their illness. It’s just downright rude. But it may help you cope with a traumatic upbringing due to the illness.
Wow, I can’t believe other people have gone through the same thing I have. I believe my mom is bipolar. All of my life she has abused me physically and verbally. I was sexually abused by my father and when I told her, she said it was my fault and now she uses it to control my father. My brother was raised differently. She doesn’t show her “ugly” side to him. He has moved away and keeps her out of his life. He doesn’t know what happened to me. I have had a lot of difficulty in my own life. Even though I have traveled the world and escaped for awhile, I keep hearing her abusive language in my ear. I have always been a good daughter and tried to please my parents, but they hate me. I have asked them to go to a family therapist but they say I am the one who is crazy since I once tried to commit suicide. Growing up I had to bare the family secrets. I’ve even tried to be their marriage councilor! I’ve always realized that I am a good person and that I just need to go away and forget them and I did for seven years but I felt extremely guilty. It is a sad situation but I can still save myself.
How are you able to remove yourself from her life? I try so hard, but the cycle continues. I am bipolar and after yrs of different meds have found a combo that stops bad thoughts. However, i still can not handle stress at all. My body goes crazy. Anyway, my mom is totally bipolar and is on no meds. She thinks she is fine and never the problem. She causes issues with my sister and dad so they stick with her. They are scared little babies. Any advice on how to not get sucked back in?
In order not to get sucked back in you may have to go no contact with them all. I had to go that route with the entire extended family as Mom has them all fooled. It was the only way to finally have peace in my life. It was hard but so worth it. Good luck.
I have grown up in an environment full of this disorder. My mother has it, and my brother was recently diagnosed. This disease has really hurt my family over the years, especially my older brother. He has tried to commit suicide several times over the past two years and has recently began to “self-medicate” with alcohol and drugs. Obviously we don’t have the kind of relationship now that I would like to have due to the fact that he hurt me too much and keeps self destructing over and over again. It is impossible for him to get (and hold onto) a job because of his constatly changing behavior. So, he cannot get insurance to pay for medication. It’s a constant circle of extreme depression and mania. As a new father, I am concerned that I could have passed this disorder onto my son. Does anyone know what the chances of my son developing this is?
My mother had been diagnosed with ADHD and Bi-Polar disorder. She’s 48 and I’m 30 and I often feel like I’m HER mother instead. She’s forceful, rude, thoughtless of what she says to others, often times in a different dimension mentally then everyone else, she thinks EVERYONE and their dog are conspiring against her, she thinks she’s “special” to God and that He tells her all kinds of secrets that He hides from everyone else.
She’s completely scattered and disorganized, goes absolutely nuts by her “deep thinkng” all day long and refuses to get a job.
Ugh, over the years I’m afraid to say that I have begun to almost hate her. She’s so mean and hateful and will talk about how her siblings are devils, but then retract it the next day, and then the story is different the day after an she’s back to hating them again…
I hate the effin drama and I wish she would just go away and leave me alone for good sometimes!!!
Funny that I just happened upon this website. I just had a HUGE BLOWOUT with my mother (hasn’t been officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but 99.9% that she and my sister are bipolar). I am visiting her from out of town and have been kicked out of the house. I am at a coffee shop, will stay in a hotel tonight, and fly home tomorrow. I have been told for the 10th time in my life by her that I have been disowned and to not come home for Christmas (I have been home every year).
She is completely irrational and continues to put me down in every way, shape, and form. My sister, the one who hasn’t played by the rules, is the one who gets babied all the time and who gets the attention and the flexibility. I’ve never asked for attention, only normal human decency. I’m the only one in my family who actually understands her and why she manipulates people. She makes me feel guilty which is why we always end up making up (she’s so lonely I don’t know what the hell she would do without anyone in her life who “understands” her). I’m never good enough, though, so she makes judgments on my life and my choices.
She puts my father down all the time, she compliments herself all the time, and always wants to hear about how great SHE is. If we ever challenge her statements, she BLOWS UP and says we’re ganging up on her and how that’s not fair. If we fight and my Dad decides to go to dinner with me, she gets pissed at ME and says I purposefully left her out and that I don’t love her.
Today, after fighting last night (and before our HUGE BLOW UP this afternoon), the first thing she says to me is, “Get me a gallon of milk from the store. Not the organic kind, and I want whole milk, not 2%, not 1%, not nonfat, WHOLE MILK.” And I replied, calmly and rationally, “If you can say please, then I will go and get it.” She replies, “FUCK YOU, I don’t care if you don’t get it.” I said, “I refuse to be BARKED at. I am a human being and deserve a certain amount of decency. All you have to do is say, please. That is NOT a huge request. Just say please and I will go get you your milk.” She replies, “FUCK YOU, I told you I don’t need you to get me my milk!”
Anyway, this is just the tip of the iceberg about what I have been experiencing my whole life. Not sure if anyone out there has advice or insight, but somehow typing this has been therapeutic. I have been in tears all afternoon after all the horrible things she has said to me. I stood up to her, though, I fought back…probably not the best decision for someone who is irrational like her, but it all built up and I couldn’t help it. I feel the worse for my Dad…he has to deal with her on a day to day basis. He talks about how he should leave her, but at this point and for how old they are, I actually think they NEED each other. But it sure doesn’t mean either of them are 100% happy about that…
This sounds like possibly Borderline Personality Disorder rather than Bipolar Disorder. I am a therapist, and I know from experience that people with BPD are often misdiagnosed with BD. If your mom has a pattern of “get away from me”/ “don’t leave me”, and most people are either on her good side or her bad side, with really no middle ground, and she has tumultuous relationships with everyone, it’s probably BPD. I was just on this site because my mom has BD, and I was curious about others’ experiences, when I noticed that MANY of these posts look like BPD. Of course, im only going off of these posts and you know your mom intimately. . . Look up both in the DSM-IV TR, see the criteria, and decide for yourselves! 🙂
I just came upon this site & I am amazed at the simalarities to my own experiences. I am a 30 year old child of a single bipolar mother.My father left when I was four leaving me to be raised by my mother. It may sound strange but it wasn’t until yesterday that I realized that I am not the one who is ill. All of my life she has told me that there is something wrong with me & I believed her. She dragged me to therapists since age 6 & even had me committed to an adolecent treatment center.I have continued on my own to seek help & it wasn’t until yesterday speaking with my counsellor that we realized I was not sick. Apparantly it is called folie a deux. Because I was left in her care I began to exhibit her symptoms. It explains why none of the medications I was given ever worked. I never realized the abuse that I suffered because of her illness and it is liberating to know that it is not my fault. I am wondering if anyone else has suffered similar situations where you think you are the sick one?
I just typed into Google my biopolar mother and got into this website, and i am not surprised at the similar cases we all have. I am only 13, and i already cannot stand my mother. My parents got a divorce when i was 9. My mother had SERIOUS quarrels and fight with HER own parents, which will get violent. Now she does not want to even talk to my grandparents. They have not met for years. But I have. She refuses to get a job now, even though she is a lawyer and loves to praise herself. She never cared about me, scolded my siblings and i for her own faults. I hate her language and she can get really unreasonable. I am really glad that my father and grandparents brought me up. If not i will become like her. Sometimes i really think that i’m the mother instead. I really cannot stand it. When i grow up i am not going to support her or anything, see how it feels to be like my grandparents. God, what have i done to deserve this. Why must it be me. WHY.
You did nothing to deserve this!!! Its not your fault! My mom is bipolar. Iwent through what you are going through. I still do. Its hard. But you sound like a bright young lady. Her behavior is no reflection on you.my sister and I were neglected, abused by the horrible men she associated with, and pretty much raised ourselves. Now at 66 she is finally on meds. But shes worse than ever. I had to remove myself from the cyclone that surrounds her. Be strong. Draw strength from people that love you. And remember you are only responsible for YOUR actions.
I just found this website, and I’m surprised how common my situation is. I am 15 years old, and I live with my mom and younger brother. I am positive that my mother is bipolar, or mentally challenged in some form. She does things that no loving mother ever does. I’ve had the police dispatched to my house 3 times for no good reason. I’m fairly intelligent, and I often disprove my mom’s irrational thoughts. She will get very angry, and do whatever to put me down. I used to be an overweight kid, and she would openly call me a lazy fat ass. I’ve now lost all that weight, and now she calls me a skinny unhealthy pussy. I am finished with her abusive attitude. I once had a talk with her about her behavior, and she told me “WELL IF I DEPRESS YOU SO MUCH, THEN GO KILL YOURSELF! ILL BUY YOU A GUN!” I honestly believe if I wasn’t a strong minded person, she would have been the death of me. I fear for my own safety every day. I’m afraid of what could happen in the time I have left living here. When she is an old, lonely woman, wanting her son by her side, I won’t be there. It hurts to say this, but these are the words of a child, void of love.
hearing these stories makes me feel alittle stronger, in only 19 but as far back as i could remember my mom has been ill, she is bipolar/skitzo and doesnt take her meds to her it “mades her a different person” she physically abuses my father but he refuses to do anything about it, shes stabbed him aimed guns to his head even lied to her friends that he is the one that hits her. I moved out when i turned 18 and she hates me for it. i feel guilty because by moving i left behind my brother and sister ages 11 and 7. The day day i told my sister i was moving she begged me not to go “your gonna leave me with her?” It still breaks my heart everytime i think of it. My mom has driven every person in my family away and insist its their fault. I hate holidays because she manages to ruin every single one. My childhood was no walk in the park. I was a chubby child so everyday was a “you’d b pretty if you wernt so fat…boys dont like fat girls…i wasnt fat so why are u?” I could go on and on. What hurts me the most is she refused to think she hurt me in anyway and for talking about it like i am now i am back stabbing her. I recently argued with her and now im not allowed to see my sibblings or my father. Im an emotional person now im afraid of what people think of me and i refuse to belive in my self. I still love my mother but i fight with the pain shes made me feel everyday
As everyone else has stated, it is comforting to know that others have experienced or “are experiencing” this vicious disease. Today is very difficult for me as I’m trying for the first time to initiate a seperation from my mom. Today is the 2 month mark that I haven’t called my mom. It is SO painful that I can hardly bear it. But I’ve been on the good mood/bad mood journey for my entire life and I had to admit that I have lost the battle. No amount of love, no amount of care and concern, no amount of reason and discussion, no amount of prayer, not whispering of yelling, not hugging her or hating her….nothing will change her. It will good for a period of time and then, on a benign incident, the ugly side will come out. Of the 3 children in our family, I am the one that gets the brunt of the disorder….the hatred, the cruel comments and behavior. And for whatever reason or reasons, my 2 brothers are safe from the vicious behavior, so it is very difficult for them to accept, understand and provide empathy towards this painful situation.
I know that my mom is dealing with pathology. She has an illness. But what destroys me is how well she is able to control the really vicious behavior in front of my 2 brothers. Those are the times that I wonder if it’s really a disease, or if PERHAPS she is just ugly inside and knows clearly well what she is doing.
I thank all of you for listening as I am in a deep amount of emotional and spiritual pain.
I know that if I don’t contact my mom, I will NEVER hear from her again. The pain is overwhelming but if start the cylce again, the cycle will never end.
Thanks to anyone listening.
To all, have a good day.
Reading these posts I am convinced my mother is bipolar.
I’m a 30 year old mother of 1 with 1 on the way. I’m the only girl with 3 brothers and I seem to have been the focus of her problems and behaviour all my life, my brothers seem to be treated completely different.
From as young as I can remember I was constantly insulted and put down by my mother. I was criticised for being either too fat or too thin and called vile names. I was never allowed to go anywhere as I was the only 1 who had to do all household chores while bringing up my younger brother 7 years my junior from the the age of 11 despite me being the 2nd youngest. My mother encouraged me to leave school at 14 so I could help her run her cafe 7 days a week doing 12 hours shifts.
She has bullied and belittled me all my life and it was only after having my first child 2 years ago that I realised no matter how much I did for her or how much abuse I took from her it wouldn’t change her behaviour towards me.
I am now at a stage in my life that I feel I don’t want to subject my children to her irrational and embarrassing behaviour, I had no choice growing up but I can now choose whats right for my children.
My mother swings from being loving and happy to threatening suicide and sayin I treat her bad and no one loves her. She never visits or phones but expects me to do both every day or she gets arsey with me, but she will travel 1 and half hours drive 3 times a week to pick up my brothers daughter and look after her.
I am sick of her talking to my dad like rubbish and openly belittling him about his lost sex drive in front of me.
I think I too have a bipolar mother (never told me about being diagnosticated). Her behaviour closely ressembles those described here. Especially with the specially treated younger brother who was not only getting away with anything, but was constantly praised in front of both of us,since we both were very young. I was getting extremely cruel remarks about different body parts of mine (nothing was really ugly). Whenever I ‘theatened’ to perform better than my brother, I was ‘put back in line’ in my 2nd place, by various methods (public humiliation, horrible scenes which depressed me deeply, and other manipulation techniques.) When her behaviour started to endanger my new family, after I got married, I cut myself from her. It hurt terribly, especially realizing that she didn’t care. It was so hard, my heart was so heavy, I thought it would break and I would die. But I succeeded. It still hurts, but not as bad, and at least we are safe. She succeeded to make almost all other family memebers keep away from her, as well.
Your mother will never change, saddaughter.
Save yourself and be strong. People like this are manipulative, but there is only one way out.
Be strong, and God bless you.
Roda
Roda,
Thank you very much for listening and for your words of wisdom. Since I am only several weeks into this trial seperation, the emotional wound is very raw. In the complexity of this disease process is my innocent 10 year old daughter who adores my mom. Yes….my mom seems to be able to control herself and be “good” to my beloved daughter. But now that I have drawn this line, my mom is so ugly that she will seperate herself from my daughter to spite me. It is a dark time now and I’m sure darker to come as I embark on this seperation after 52 years of allowing the up/down cycle to continue. I thought I could deal with it till she died. Because of her advanced age, I wanted to hang on just a few more years and try to end it all on a “up” note. But I don’t think I can. She is so emotionally labile that anything benign can set her off. I actually found a letter she wrote to me telling me she has always held grudges.
At any rate, thank you again for your support.
By the way….I too was humiliated in public when I was a young girl….such terrible memories.
Blessings to you.
Sad Daughter
My mother has been diagnosed bipolar and for years I’ve just put up with the mood swings and her behavior. I just recently had a baby and now I’m feeling different as to how she affects me and my family. She makes up lies all the time and really believes that they are true. She does hurtful things and when I tell her they are hurtful she either gives me an empty appology and repeats the behavior or she totally goes off and blames me for everything. Like I said I put up with this my whole life but now that I am married and have a baby it’s starting to affect my family. The last fight I had with her she brought my wife into it and started saying mean things about her when she never did a thing to my mother. Now my wife hates her and refuses to talk to her or allow her in my sons life. She has also said that she cannot deal with her at all and if she’s in my life than my wife will choose to not be in my life. I haven’t talked to my mom in 7 months now and she is telling other family members more lies about my wife and is making them think that my wife is this monster. My aunts and uncles are now calling me saying my mother will committ suicide if I don’t talk to her. She is obviously making everyone feel sorry for her and trying to give me a guilt trip which is another thing I’ve dealt with my whole life. I’m now at a crossroads on what the right thing to do is. Talk to her and put up with her and risk losing my wife or keep my mother out of my life and try to have a happy life with my wife and son. I know deep down that I need to make myself happy and put my family first, but getting a guilt trip makes my life hell.
Wow! After reading all these comments I see Im not alone. Im 20 years old, and my mother has been diagnosed with bipolar since I can remember. There are times when she is my best friend, and I am the only person in the world who understands her and then there are other times when she hates me. Right now, we are going through a bad patch, a very bad patch, she has already pushed my brother too far, and he now lives far away with his fiancee and baby, and it is just me and my younger brother. He is ‘Golden Boy’ I nicknamed him ‘Favourite Child’ thats what he is… Mum always seems to laugh it off but its soul destroying. I do everything I can to get her to love and want me the way she does my brother, but feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall. I just want her to love me, thats not too much to ask surely. She makes me feel guilty for everything I do and always thinks about her self and how bad she feels, and how bad she is treated. she lost my sister at a young age, and quite often says that she wishes it was me who I died and she still had my sister.I dont feel like I can cope with this anymore, and I feel like I am betraying her by discussing this today, I feel helpless and alone, I just dont know what to do anymore.
Telling you or even thinking she wishes it was you who died and she still had your sister is terrible. Everyone should receive a parent’s unconditional love. Not receiving that love can be devastating.
Is there anyone you can talk to about this? A therapist? If you’re going to school, do you have a counselor you can talk to? Is there a support group in your area for family members who have loved ones with mental illness? You’re not betraying your mom by discussing this. Holding it in and not talking about it might even make you more resentful. Venting off a little steam can only help. We’re wishing you all the best.
I do feel that sometimes I resent her, and feel nothing but hatred towards her. Then I feel incredibly guilty and hate myself for feeling like that. The reasons behind mum’s mental trauma are experiences and issues that I too have had to live with myself, and I resent the fact that I can see life goes on and she cant.
I dont like to discuss it cos as silly as it sounds, I dont want people to think bad of her, I understand yet I know plenty of people out there dont and that makes her worse.
I feel empty these days, and like a robot, like I am just going through the motions, I do as I am told and dare not step a foot out of line. I hate the fact she takes me for granted, I used to be so happy now I wake up every day with a lump in my throat, and wonder what I will have to deal with and its horrendus!
Dear Friends,
I would like to encourage all the children of bipolar parents to please seek counselling. We can not continue to live alone with these experiences, because it will affect our future. Please seek an outsiders opinion on what you are dealing with, as it can be overwhelming for a person to deal with this huge illness alone. No one should be abused. Buy the Complete Guide to Boundaries book by Cloud & Townsend. I have been through this with my bipolar mother and find that all our stories are so similar – if I got the help I needed to deal with this at 20, I could have saved myself a big deal of sorrow that I’m still trying to deal with at 35! DON’T SUFFER IN SILENCE…
My husband recently found this site and refferd it to me. We are currently dealing with my mother who is on a short term stay at our local in-patient mental health facility. She’s just been diagnosed with Bi-Polar syndrom, which I pretty much concluded of months ago. By reading all of yours’ posts it is clear that she displays similar, to exact behavior as many of your mothers.
I am the oldest child of 3. She targets me the most. Grew up abused in almost every form and fashion. Wished and prayed growing up that I could live in a foster home. She kept switching men in her life, so there was never really anyone to rescue me from the hell I grew up in! Dr’s said that I suffered from Boarderline Personality Dissorder due to my upbringing. I have since learned to heal and move on, starting my own family and vowing to never be “her”.
I to have a “golden brother”. He is neutral on the whole thing and is absolutely NO help in confronting the situation (which is what the socail worker recommended we do, while she is in the care of hospital staff). My younger sister has become a walking science experiment. Mom thinks she has every disorder known to man, so poor sister has been on a boatload of different psychotropic medications. Now at 17 sister deals with eating dissorder to impress boys. Mom refusses to get it treated. Instead she says the results of Weight loss are due to stomache issues, which in some aspect has truth to it as sister has real stomache problems as well as mental/emotional one due to my mothers self medicating her. Perscriptions are abused, and she has a pharmacy of past med’s in her home that she uses on herself and sister, when she feels they are needed. I have fought for years to get sister out of the house. No one sides with me, because mom manipulates case workers and doctors.
It makes my head spin thinking about how crazy she acts at times. It’s like she has this vendeta against me. Yet she follows me everywhere I go. She tries to mimic my life (she has worked at 4 of the same places as me) and she moves where ever I do. I can’t seem to get away! When we have her “up times”, she uses overwhelming flattery to try to love up to people. It makes me want to barf! THe down times are REALLY down. Now she wants to divorce my dad, this is the 4th dad now….because “he made her this way” she says. Which is the farthest from the truth I’ve ever heard.
I’m currently a Psych student and am trying really hard to go about this with an understanding attitude, but frankly, she unsafe even for herself. Has no concept of paying bills or repricussions for her actions. She’s ruined my sisters life…she’s broken me over and over again. Uses my daughter to make me feel guilty. Adores my husband…Sometimes I just want to scream “why can’t we all just be adults here?!?!”
So I’m supposed to visit her today. It will be the first time since she was checked into the hospital (6 days now). Not sure how long she will be there. Family says she in complete denial and this is everyone elses faults. I’m the enimy I guess because I talked to the social worker about her. She’s deeply hurt (so she cried to my husband) that I told them she was a hoarder (which she is, she is now gotten so bad that she has boxes piling on her bed that she sleeps with). I could go on and on…will prob write a book about this one day…Lord know’s there’s enough stories to fill one! Anyhow, I love mom and want to see her well, but honestly am not very hopefull anymore. I’m pregnant again and suffering anxiety through pregnancy due to her. Pretty sure my blood pressure is escalated just writing this and thinking about having to see her later. Not sure if she will be happy to see me, or be mean the whole time I’m there. I’m so scared to confront her because frankly, she gets revenge….ugh…It just makes my head spin!
I am glad to have found this site, I too am a child of a bipolar mother. Growing up was great and honestly I can’t think of a time when I noticed she might have been different, until that day. When my parents divorced due to her infidelity, everything changed. Her personality did a 180 and I she began to act like a 20 year old, drinking, smoking, swearing like a sailor.
I chose to live with my father for a year until I moved a way to college. Nothing has been the same since. She has always called me the golden child and tell me how proud she is but will then turn around and tell her how much I hate her and disrespect her for disagreeing with her. No conversation is normal with her, phone calls that should last 5-10 minutes ramble on for hours and if I even try to cut them short I am being rude and uncaring.
And I insult her at every turn if I do not agree with her fantastical plans of buying a mansion or going back to school for the 30th time. I have to admit, all of this bizarre behavior has made me resentful and even cold but I don’t know how else to deal with her sensitivity.
A few times her and her now ex-husbands have gotten into huge drinking screaming matches which my younger siblings call me about because of fear. I hate that they have to live with her. Although she is extremely loving she is also extremely judgmental and dislikes my husband because he does not put up with her shit.
I tried to see a therapist and establish boundaries but those were disregarded and I am at fault for everything. I am sick of being walked all over by her and told that I do not love her and am a cold heartless..B…you know. I am as respectful as I can be given my past 5+ year history dealing with this disease. I can no longer pretend like everything is fine and continue to feed her delusions, I have not spoken with her in 2 weeks now and sadly, it has been the best 2 weeks I can remember.
I feel for everyone on here and remember, it’s not you, it’s almost never you.
mom got out of the hospital today. I don’t even know where to begain with it all…how do I deal with this now? Now that I know it’s a disease she has and she’s not just a whack-immature mother?
We live in a pretty small town (whole family) and there’s no escaping right now…she got out today and already showed up at my house……
Just here to share my story. Just got off the phone with my mother and reading everyone else’s experiences has helped me.
My parents divorced when I was eleven. Before then, my mom pretty much raised me and my sister. However, as soon as she got rid of Dad she went absolutely wild. Thankfully my father stayed nearby and we always had the choice of who to live with (I chose Dad). Mom was born into money and her parents died when she was a teenager, so she never really learned any personal responsibility. Fast-forward 13 years later and she is nearly broke.
When I was a child she spoiled me, buying expensive jewelry and whatnot. Now she is upset because much of her jewelry was stolen (probably by her drug-addict boyfriend or other friends, also not the first time this has happened). She wanted me to give her my jewelry and was hurt when I said no, I want to keep it where it is safe. I am not rich and I fear for the day when her debts fall on me. I have a job (less than 30,000 a year) and have not taken money from her in years (since college, and only for living expenses, not tuition). Then she criticized me for spending $1,500 on a wedding ring set for my engagement; my fiance and I saved up that money for over a year and she is offended that I spent money on rings but won’t give her some more jewelry (she still has plenty). Anyways, she went on a long sob story about how she only has $400 dollars in the bank and I am cruel to her for yelling and taking everything she ever had.
I talked to my uncle to verify the situation, and it turns out that she is still spending wildly on hotel rooms to be with her skeezy boyfriend and all sorts of ridiculousness. I know I shouldn’t let her blame me for her financial situation, but it still hurts me.
I am the golden child of a bipolar mother. She passed away at the age of 94. I was the only one who could cope with her out of the six of us. I did this by helping her in a clinical way and not taking any comments to heart. It was not my mother speaking, it was her illness. When she would become unreasonable, I would simply leave. I would return a few days later. I considered it my purpose in life to provide the necessary care for her and made certain sacrifices to do that. None of us remembered many events in our childhood. Or what one would remember, others wouldn’t. I have often asked myself if I am bipolar. I have temperamental periods but never had a psychotic episode and I am told I am very level headed. Yet, there are lingering doubts that I am actually as sane as perceived. Right now I am contending with bipolar diagnoses for my sister, my daughter and my ex daughter-in-law. I have concluded there are different degrees of bipolar illnesses. Some people can be helped well with medicine, others will still have a very convoluted view of life while on the strongest meds. My sympathies lie with those who have to deal with people affected by bipolar disorder. The struggle seems to be all one sided. None of those I have known with bipolar diagnosis has ever truly accepted her diagnosis. So maybe I am seeing this from a slanted perspective. I don’t believe all people with bipolar disorder can be lumped together. Some are nearly tolerable most of the time, and some are never tolerable to certain family members. The point I am trying to make is that each situation is different and although similarities are there, there are also great differences.
Wow… I’m 21 years old with two kids and a fiancee. My mother is bipolar and has been most of my life. I can’t believe how many peoplr are going throught the sam stuff I am. My mother has recently became real manic.. I recently told her about my step father sexually abusing me while I was younger and told me it was all my fault. My brother second born is what you guys refer to as the golden child. I’ve always tried to please her but nothing ever could amount up to him. He has done her so wrong on so many occastio.s. I habe recently have become very depressed about it all and I’m looking for guidence advice help anything. I’m at my wits end and I do not want my children growing up dealing with her the way I have its done some much damage. Please help me. :'(
She says god talks to her and sometimes says we are evil she will just start writing on the walls she will refuse to take her meds. She has also claedy brothers imborn child is the spawn of satan becuz the.due date is 6/6/12. We are not on speakimg terms right now again because I’m the reason why everything wrong happens to her down to me being born and taking her life away becuz she had.me at 16. I know she is sick but this hurts to hear this your whole life and not to understand it. I habe done nothing but tried to make her proud of me amd mothing is ever good enough
My mom & 2 brothers suffer from bi-polar disorder. You become numb after a while. Hey, its a hard thing to accept but you cant fix them. This was always my problem. & you end up feeling helpless. They are my family & I love them but man it is frustrating at times. You cannot reason with the unreasonable. So I try to just listen and be patient. i try to be there as much as I can (though it is never enough) & other times I just need to escape for my own sanity. Meanwhile, I have been diagnosed with MS. Well, I always thought I would be the one to care them as we get older…now I am not so sure. Life is like a box of chocolates all right.
My mom has bipolar disease and it is very sad. Sometimes I have a hard time coping because I am 14. My dad is the best parent I could ever ask for. He is always supportive and if I get upset comforts me. As for my mom I love her very much but she has been this way since before I can remember. Usually she is kind but then she has these periods of time where she stays up crazy late going on about how she wants to move and buy a new house but then she never does. She gets mad at me for “giving her looks” when I’m not at all or will randomly scream at me when I’ve done nothing but be nice. I am a straight A student always trying to please my parents but sometimes it just gets to much. She also attacks my dad by yelling at him and saying he’s abusive when he has done nothing but help her. Their are always these guilt trips. I will tell her something and then she’ll get mad and use it against me later. What’s the worst is I never know when to trust her. One day she’ll be great and the next scary. She’s very smart, a doctor, so sometimes I feel like she is smart enough to stop being verbally abusive towards my father and me. I often wonder why this happened to me and get especially nervous when my dad travels for work. She does take her medicine and see a counselor so I am grateful for that. It also just gets hard when you don’t want to tell your friends or teachers because you feel like they won’t understand. It’s like some big secret. For all the kids or teens out it’s not your fault. you have done nothing wrong.
I am reading all this and it is like my life. I am almost 40 and have a bipolar mother. I have a sister that never seems to have a problem with her but my mother has turned her against me… she is younger. Every episode which is about every other month she calls my phone and screams and screams I cant get a word in edgewise then she says I called her I screamed. My poor kids are witness to it many times and blames me for them not wanting around her but they saw her do it with their own eyes and are afraid of her. But I get blamed for turning them against her. I take all I can take and then yes I yell back because I get attacked. I get threatened with stuff that happened years and years ago. So I lash back and when I do she says I am bipolar. I have called for help and no one will help me. I am thinking of changing my phone and moving away so she cant find me anymore. I am so stressed and about to have an emotional break down. I also think my 18 year old daughter has it. Her and my mom gang up on me every other month. I just want to run away. I am not bipolar. I am depressed and had to get on meds because I am dealing with my mother and I feel alone. I don’t know where to go or what to do anymore. I feel victim. She threatens me with made up stories says she is going to my husband with all kinds of crazy stuff and our marriage is rocky from time to time and I dont know if he would believe her or not. I love my husband and my kids but I live in fear. I dont know what to do.
Wow! Maybe I’m not alone… Have struggled with my mentally ill mum for as long as I can remember I’m positive she has bipolar but she refuses to discuss it with me I know she’s been on medication for depression for years, it doesn’t help.
I’ve alwys had to be the strong one had to be her suport and her mother and I still fel lke a small child around her (I’m 28 & have lived on my own for ten yrs)
She believes I had a perfect childhood and will not even listen to anything else past emotional abuse never acknowledged.
I tried recently to ask her not to mention my x step dad around me as im dealing with memories of past sexual & physical abuse she said she thought something strange was happening but didn’t do anything about it as I never mentioned anything to her( it started when I wa 6) it broke my heart to hear that. She is the most selfish person I’ve ever known, had to deal with hysterical phone calls at all hours of night talked her out of suicide too many times and guilted and shamed so much the emotiinal toll it has had on me and my relationships i overwhelming.
I’m only now trying to discover who I am and that I don’t have to be perfect and strong all the time.
Does anyone have any tips on how to set boundaries? When things are good it’s great but more often than not things ar so damn hard.
I get non stop phone calls just for a cht that leaves me either exhausted from non stop talking about pointless detailed information or left so down from her depressed mood that I feel depressed for days..
Any advice would be so much appreciated, thankyou for letting me vent -B x
WOW. SO many people like me here. I didn’t know that there were so many people in the same situation I am in.
Though most people here seem to be living away from those kinds of mothers. Unfortunately for me, I live in a third world country and it’s incredibly difficult to leave home given the low salaries we get.
I grew up with a bipolar mother, and have been through the gamit of irrational behaviors and thoughts. My mother is the type that will not accept her illness. When it gets bad, everyone becomes the enemy and she is ultra paranoid, usually reaching out and confiding in old friends and strangers who don’t know about her condition. Most marriages containing a bipolar element fail, somehow my parents have been able to overcome the disease. The only way is treatment with medicine. We have done full fledged interventions where all of our family and extended gather and throw the skunk on the table. It Is an easy choice medicine and family or no medicine no family. The problem is the constant regression back into full mania and depression. She slowly weens herself of the medicine and eventually stops and we are back where we started. This process is incredibly painfully, but I love my mother and will always be there for her.
I feel a bit better afer reading everyone’s stories. My bipolar mom have been living with me for almost 3 years now. Her bf died in a car accident and she wanted to commit suicide,so I offered she come stay with me for a while. She has a episde about every year and a half. She’s been admitted to a nice hospital for a month, came out 2 weeks ago, and having a manic episode again now. Found her presripton, so she didn’t go fetch her pill, so my point is how do you help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves? She lost my house key’s (which has got my adres on it) she bumped her car yet again, burnt candles in her room, wax all over the carpet, she goes through my things and takes it. Brake my things. etc. I dont know what to do anymore. She’s been with my grandparents for the past 3 days, and wants to know when she can come home. Dont think i can handle it anymore though. Maybe she should go stay with my grandparents, but I feel guilty, feels like im putting the burdon on them now. But she’s affecting my work, any relationships I have. She’s said so many bad things to me in the past and now again that I’m actualy so mad at her. And I’m scared having her in my house, dont know if she will do something to me. She lost her house keys and say I got contacts who stole them from her. but I havent seen her in days. Seems like alot of people’s got the same problem. I love my mom alot, but when is enough enough? Feels like I have to start looking out for myself as well, I’m 29 and she’s turning 50 soon. Feels like im the mother, and she doesnt even listen to anything I say, she hates me right now…. I’m so tired of all this crap really!
I’m scared of my mom actually,,,, i THINK her sick is getting WORST!!!!!!! :3
She got a Bipolar as a Phychologist told to us when we had our consultation with her…. :333 I’m reallyyyy hate it… SH!
I am a bipolar mother. My father has it .I have a 7month. Old and I’m being persecuted like I’m crazy because I have it I’m terrified because its like being treated like a 4 yearold my child has never once been objected to one of my mood swings I went through as q child because of my parents in and out of hospitals my mother would beat me over thhead with my disease.people who have bipolar disorder are no different I’m tired of being treated like some crazy person I’m sick of. thehysteriA
I can’t believe there are so many people with similar experiences.
I am a 32-year-old daughter of a bipolar mother. She was first hospitalized when I was three years old, and has been hospitalized more times than I can count. I have a hard time remembering that her problems are not my fault. She is an expert at guilt trips and mind games.
My mother refuses to take responsibility for anything. She acts like a victim and a child. I feel like I’ve been parenting her since I was nine years old, which is when my parents separated. My dad couldn’t take living with her anymore. He and I have a good relationship now. But it took me a long time to stop resenting him for leaving. From an adult point of view, I totally understand why he left. He had to.
My mother has no respect for anyone else’s accomplishments. She’s not happy for me when I’m happy. Instead, she tries to tear me down and cause drama. She is extremely jealous and competitive with me, which is screwed up. I’m her child – she’s supposed to be proud of me when I succeed. But all she ever thinks of is herself.
I feel like she’s furious because I’m not bipolar, like she is.
This is when she’s “well.”
When she’s manic, she becomes completely delusional, believes she’s the “chosen one,” thinks aliens have selected her for a special mission, goes on wild spending sprees, and becomes fixated on conspiracy theories. I was severely traumatized as a small child by her insane ranting.
I have spent YEARS dealing with this in therapy. I am extremely lucky that I grew up to be a normal, happy person – I’m married to a loving man, I have a job I love and a great life. I am a good person, and I know that.
However, I’m eaten alive by guilt every time I talk to my mother. Even after all these years, she still seems to be able to manipulate me into feeling like I’ve done something wrong.
I wish our relationship could be different. Bipolar disorder sucks and I wish my mother didn’t have it.
I wish none of our mothers had it.
Wow these stories are helping me see how other people deal with a bipolar mother. I have always been compared to other people and she makes me hate myself sometimes. I remember when I was little I couldnt wait to be an adult and leave the house. Now Im living at home while going to college since I live so close. My mom took medicine a few years ago and she was actually goin to a therapist. But because of money problems she isnt taking any medicine for bipolar or diabetic.
Im worried at the moment because this morning I could hear her whispering upstairs, which she does often if she is putting makeup on or is as usual late to something. But today it freaked me out because she was whispering about the fact that I was downstairs. It sounded kind of nasty. She also has always told me that when I would be older that she would leave my dad. She is still with him because she isnt financially stable. I guess she was even out of debt when I was little then she went in spending sprees again and has more debt. I am just so fearful that one day I will get it. I didnt want kids for a long time out of fear they would be bipolar.
I have found the best way to cope is to ignore her. My boyfriend is more hotheaded and cant do that so it makes it even more stressful. I cant remember half the things she has said rudely to me because I just dont bother remembering it. Also my cat if 16 years, Puddin, passed away in October. Im worried now, because Puddin was like a daughter to her, that things will get worst soon. I wish my dad would leave her so I could get away from her. She has also said in the past that when she got older she would just kill herself so I wouldnt have to payfor her to be in a nursing home.
I will have to check out the book mentioned to see if it could help me. Sorry I rambled but I wrote this on my iPod so its hard to go back through and read all this.
My mom ha been diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was stil a kid. She is a great mother you know? I know she loves me! But most times, she treats me like a worthless piece of crap. She takes all of life frustrations on me. She has tried to kill herself multiple times, since I was kid. She plays such a elaborate mind game, that when she has a crisis and try to kill herself, she makes everyone believe inclusive myself that I’m the reason for her wanting to be dead. But what ib the world can a 6. Years old ever do to cause such thing? I’m 18 now, still live at home, although I want to leave, I can’t! I’ve always been the less loved child, my brother in the other hand, is the greatest thing ever created. I’m telling you, SHE IS EVIL! she gets to you, she knows where to go to destroy you! She is evil, I swear. When she has a crisis she acts as if she is possessed.
I love her so much at the same time! And if something happens with her, I know that I caused it or could had avoided it. And I believe she would hurt herself if that meant that she will get to you. Anything to get even. She creates storylines she is paranoid!
I DO NOT want to be scarred by this, but I know I’m. I wish I could cure this and have MY REAL mom once for all, because when she is normal, she os the most amazing thing, my best friend. But as soon as Mr.Jekyll knock on her door, she uses all of the things I confided in her against me. She calls me a whale, and every other depreciative word you can imagine. Her bipolar disorder hates ne, but my mom that lives in the same body loves me.
I wish one day she would talk to me and apologize. But I dont see that happening in this life.
Sometimes I just want to leave and cut her off my life, but other times, I feel so bad fOr her! She didn’t ask to be bipolar. If even her daughter has hard time with her, everyone will (except the greatest thing ever created, my brother).
She never sees good on me. Never,
It so complicated! I wish it would jut stop! I dot want to lose her! And I feel like she will kill herself one day!
I don’t want that to happen!
I wish she was the happy type of bipolar, but she is the depressed one. She doesn’t help herself. She doesn’t want to see good things. So negative.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! TO LEAVE HER, OR TO LOVE HER UNCONDITTIONALY AND STAY BY HER SIDE NO MATTER WHAT.
I hate her, and I love her at the same time. Its so hard!
I guess I figured it out know, I HATE HER WHEN SHE HAS THE CRAZY BIPOLAR ON, and LOVE HER when she is simply my mom.
It’s taken me nearly 40 years to realise that my mother is bi- polar, as her un- acceptable ( Un- well ) behaviour is what I grew up with- I’ve never known any different .
I’ve identified with so many people’s stories here , and found this site incredibly healing. It’s such a huge relief to know that after all these years of physical, verbal and emotional abuse that there is a medical reason behind it all .
I realise that to move forward in my own life , I do need some professional help in dealing with this un- pleasant & un- fortunate illness . I feel sad for my Mum, but also need to learn a way of dealing with her so that I can protect myself and my children from her condition .
my mother thinks shes native american there has been no family history of anything of the sort she sometimes pretends to speak a language she doesnt know. that and she has a new found deep religious belief she watch tv church 24-7 and at times thinks she has been adopted and people in her life arent who they say they are and other delussions of grandure. Is this bi-polar alone or are there other mental illnesses that can be contributing to this and what is the best way to deal with someone you take care of that has these illnesses? please help!!!!!
Iv always wondered if my mom was boipolor. she has mood swings that drive the whole family crazy i am 17 years old and have a 12 year ol d brother that she favors (the golden child). i get everything i want without her even having to think about it , but once she buys those things for me she will hold them over my head like holding candy over a two year olds head but never really gives it to them. For example she just bought me a new truck, then this morning she got mad and told me she was going to sell it out from under me.. i love my mother dont get me wrong but the littlest things will set her off. Like when her phone doesnt work and locks up she freaks out an starts yellling and screming at it also if we ask to help her and she just keeps hitting her phone like she is having a temper tantrum. she will do it out in public often it get very embaressing to us. She will randomly get in a bad mood and take it out on my brother and I. Then she will be in a bad mood for the rest of the day if not for a couple days. She is convinced that i am biopolor. I couldnt stand the way she was acting and always putting us down. She would get in my face and screm and yell at me and hit me. She would always tell me”she wishes i was neer born”, “she hated me”, “wished i would fall over and die” “im the worst daughter ever” and stuff that would really just hurt me from the inside out. Finelly the words got so bad and the smaks across my face got worse i couldnt take it any long and fought back and ended up hitting her. we got villent twice . I moved out last year around march, it gave us some time apart we go along perfect whe i was living away from her, i didnt move back in til 8 mounths later . Since i have moved back i have been calm and have learned to deal with her and her anger problems, but she has gotten worse much worse. i cant ever explain her. most people that have just met her think she is wonderful which she is. she is a wonderful giving person. I am blessed to be her daughter, but behind closed doors is another story. I have had friends stay the night over at my house and never want to come back again because of her language, her rude remarks, her loud voice, and her screming. i have only one friend that will come back all the time and she is the only one that can relate to my mom. Her mom is the same way. My mom tells me i have the one that is “crazy”, “biopolor” i use to believe it for years, but when i moved out for those 8 months the poeple that i lived with told me that it is not me that is biopolor, it is her. We could all see it . My brother use to be on her side, he use to tell me “jess you shouldnt talk bad about her she is your mom she, its your fault anyways”. She would fill his head up with all of these lies “that im the bad one”, “im the reason she gets mad all the time”, but thankfully last night my mom was on the phone with this man she met on “Date Hookup” , my mom was useing my brothers phone charger because hers wasnt working. she was flirting with this man and was refusing to be inturupted, my brother went in there and said “here my i fixed your charger mamma”. She blow up in his face scremed and him when she hung up that phone told him she “wishes he was never born” he ran to my room crying. I couldnt beleive she had told him that, he told me he now beleived that she had problems and begged me to find out what so we could get her help. If anyone knows what her problem is please let me know. sorry for the misspelling of words i am in school attemping to do this with out teacher seeing. Thank you to all who having read this and God Bless any who help me!
Reading these stories similar to mine I sit here and start to cry. My mother is bipolar along with a long list of other mental illness. Growing up in this atmosphere was hazardous. I never knew what “mom” I was going to have for the day. Was it going to be nice mom or the screaming you can’t do anything right mom. Along with this she drank, over spent, fought with everyone. I’m an adult now and she has been hospitalized several times. Kicked out of one institution. My husband and my children suffer from this now because I have to still deal with her manic bipolar spouts. But now instead of limiting them to me they are overflowing onto my husband. I don’t know how to deal or handle the situation. She is spiteful and controlling. As I read the other stories I related so much to them. I’m an only child I played by all the rules always but now I can’t take any more of the hurt!!! I beg, pled, pray for normalcy!!!
I grew up with my grandparents but my mother was always in the picture. She gave me up as a child and she made sure to let me know that she did it because she hated me. She would always remind me that I was just like my father, who I never met and she made sure of that. She make fun of me and put me down. She always talked bad about me and wanted everybody to hate her as much as she hated me. When I turned 25, my real father died and well she attended his funeral and bad mouthed me to all of his family. I found out about it, I met with “my” paternal family and they were upset that I was just so close and yet she lied about my whereabouts all these years. Well she was upset with me because they were mad at her. She began making calls to everybody and telling them outrages lies and threats. She was going to take me out, get me fired from my job so I could end up on the streets and that I was abusive and lazy. I couldn’t take any of it so I left the city. I haven’t talked to her in about 5 years and now I have a daughter. She is sad because she wants to meet her. My family is angry at me because I refuse to want anything to do with her. Before I left, she had mentioned she was bipolar. I believed it, but by then I just didn’t care. As a mother now, I can’t picture myself treating my daughter that way. I know I did nothing wrong and I was just a victim, I know that now. It still hurts a lot and I still struggle with it. I sometimes wish I could call her up and tell her all she has done to me but I know that would be a waste of time. People say she has changed, if so, why haven’t I received an apology from her? An apology, an acknowledgement that she did wrong and she hurt me and she was sorry would make all the difference in the world.
I have my toddler granddaughter living with me. Her mother is bipolar. After much infidelity and a baby whose father is unknown, my grown son has chosen to go back to her. I am sick with worry. This woman is nasty, keeps a dirty house, and sent my granddaughter to stay with relatives at every opportunity. She has had a bout with drugs, and legal issues. Now my son wants to take my granddaughter back into that environment. He thinks he can make it work. It was three years of chaos and conflict while they were together. They made my husband and my lives miserable. I did not sign up for this, but I don’t want my granddaughter raised by a woman who lies on a regular basis and will turn on people at the least provocation.
I love my son and his daughter loves him as well. I really don’t know what to do at this point. I can’t accept all that confusion back into my life again. She has two other children as well. One is living with her father and the other is in relative foster care.
The forum and others like it is the only thing getting me through some tough times right now. I too grew up with a bipolar mother (and sister) and it has had such a negative affect on my life. I was raised to think that every thing I did is wrong and constantly compared to other children my age. Not only was the abuse I experienced verbal but physical as well. When you are an innocent 4 year old, you should not be berated like I was and physically beaten. Reading the forum now, puts me at ease in a sense, knowing that I am not the only one. Although, I feel the pain of other ‘s in the forum and would not wish this unfortunate circumstance on my worst enemy. When i got older, I started to realize how wrong the treatment was. Growing up, I went to friend’s houses and noticed how they interacted with their mother. I would get upset that things were never light and happy and there was always stress. There were times, when I called friends and begged to stay over their houses because the abuse was so bad. And the worst part – my brother was also treated as a “golden child” and my sister and I dealt with the abuse alone. Not only that, my mother either pushed people away and those that stuck around were manipulated into believing that we were “bad kids” and treated us as such. She has dated numerous men since my father left her, and these men have been so manipulated by her and treat my sister and I like we are criminals ( we are both college educated, with good jobs and are young professionals making our way) Sad to say, into my twenties, I still carry the burden of low self esteem and confidence from my upbringing. It is hard to shake off. There is no answer here. I live with this her and her illness everyday. Only when I save enough money to move out will I be free (still stuck to deal with the lingering issues from her abuse). I agree with others in this forum about the guilt part. a year ago, my mother got in an irrational argument with me and kicked me out of our home. Thankfully, I was dating someone at the time, and I stayed with him and his family. Ultimately, that choice was something that prompted the end of my relationship. At the time, it was nice to have someone to talk about with, and he saw first hand how crazy she could get. Now that we are broken up (for good reasons) I feel so alone. It is so hard to find people who know just how this is and what toll it can take on a person. I am not the one with the illness yet I am surrounded by it without a choice. there is no answer but my heart goes out to those of you dealing with similar situations. You are stronger than you know and you deserve to be treated with respect for how far you’ve come. 🙂