By George (Posted May 11, 2008)
To lay in sorrow today, tomorrow
To want in your mind, yet feel in your heart
That there is a life, but it is not yours
The Unhealable dream of being your part
That your soul is a toy, never filled with joy
Hot iron to the feelings, unmitigated hate
Left on the brink of the life ending days
Not one considerate note only a calendar date
Longing with love returned not ever fret
Destroyer of love and bringer of regret
Who be these ghosts of times long past
Why did the window of time opaque so fast
Death is it the savior or only the wait
Is there left to be any happy or just hollow words
Alone in the dark, scared to move either way
Forward or backwards is either progress, or to late
None can help for the sorrow of time gone
Never shall it come back to see or change one time
Drugs are easy to come and though not heal
For no drug can change death or what it feels
Unhealable are memories
Unhealable are eyes
Unhealable the darkness
Unhealable is despise
that’s not true, it’s not true, i don’t want to believe it. i know that we can be happy if we try, without being tied down by LITHIUM you are stronger than you think…bipolar disorder makes us slaves, which we shouldnt be. i think we can fight it and get back ourselves, without medication. why would we need it, it may be slower and we may suffer more if we get through the fits ourselves, but we can do it. and we wouldnt be dependant on some pills. i’m not about to tell anyone ive got this, and im not about to get any medication for it. so what if ur bipolar? ur fate is still urs, u cant let urself become dependant. its my worst nightmare. its tiring
Dear Anonymous,
I just lost my husband, my daughter (13 y.o.) just lost her dad. He was an incredible person.
He committed suicide as a result of the same mind set you also have.
Be careful. Take action.
to George and annonymous, the poem is expression and expression is good, it’s not always true reality and that’s okay. Annon: please don’t tell me that you can do without medicine because I don’t know many who can on a consistent basis. The last time I went off my medicine, I heard voices that told me to kill myself and I nearly did and was hospitalized for 2 1/2 months. Keep reaching out. LA
I met my husband mid of 1999, when we met I was so mesmerized on how dramatic he was on his world views and his drive to conquer the world. At that time, he was just a perfect soul mate for me, I was eager to please him and work hard a long side of him and we did conquered the world for quite a while.
All of this along with raising kids; we were a match made in heaven and very much untouchable. I was 9 months pregnant with our son (the youngest child in our blended family) at the time he was first hospitalized. That was the first we both learned that he has bipolar… my world didn’t crumble, I was furious that he was punished (was the best way I can describe my disappointment).
Fast-forward to now year 2011, we’ve moved a dozen times, we’ve owned a dozen things and lost them all one by one due to the market. But it didn’t matter, I think even if the market were still be okay, we wouldn’t have made it either way.
It was never enough with him, never big enough, never expensive enough, we always have to aim so much work so hard and spend harder. This was material things and same goes for everything else… VERY EXHAUSTING!!
I’m leaving my husband, my soul mate my everything… I have to because if I don’t then I will break and we both cannot be broken because we have children that need me.
I’m so ready to leave – I wouldn’t let him move back in with me after the hospital (weeks ago) and he’s now living with his mother. By the way, he moved out and left me and the kids exactly one day before he was admitted to hospital.
I can’t stop crying though, this is too much too handle for one person but, no one else can handle me venting for more than 5 minutes on the phone – I’m sure they’ve all heard it before from me anyhow… half of them think it’s just going to be another fight of thousands of fights we’ve had over the years and the other half waiting for me to actually file for divorce papers… I don’t really have any support left most of my friends have left my life due to a controlling husband.
I don’t know what to do – I love him very much but, this bipolar has really ruined him this time, I really doubt he’s going to be better ever again. He’s been hospitalized for manic twice in less than 6 months. He’s hearing things now, I can’t keep up with his symptoms; between aliens, government conspiracy theories and Jesus is coming – it’s quite overwhelming.
Now his doctor called me and said he’s disappointed that I left him as I’m a very crucial part of him getting better… I need a break and I don’t know what to do, all I know is I think I’m very depressed now and just cant stop crying. I’m hiding it from the kids but, I feel helpless and guilty and sad.
Last thing he said to me were “If you leave me, I’ll shoot myself”, “I need 2-3 years to get better again” and “You should just divorce me if you don’t believe me that what’s going on is really real and not just my hallucinations”.
The only thing I can do is to leave him and let him find himself again because now I and the kids are constant reminders for him that he’s not on top of the world anymore and that’s debilitating him!
to drink warm milk before biedtme to help you sleep. You can try it, but a cup of decaffeinated tea may taste better. A warm drink warms your insides, but don’t drink too much to fill your tummy. That could put you right back to having acidreflux, which hurts!Make Your Room PeacefulIf the budget allows, paint your walls a tranquil color. Pick a color you like, preferably in soft hues to cover the walls. Loud patterns, colored stripes or bright wallpaper may interfere with your relaxation at night. If you walk into a bedroom decorated the way you like, you can exhale deeply, and fall right into bed. It’s your room and the way you like it. Sleep soundly knowing you picked it out.Buy a NoisemakerWhen the house is completely quiet, some people can’t sleep at all. Insert – noise machine. These little machines plug in and offer a variety of sounds to choose from. Some include a babbling brook,ocean waves, white noise and heartbeats. Heartbeats, you say? Yes. Babies have been shown to sleep with this since it simulates their mother’s heartbeat that they listened to for 9 months.Buy a Good PillowEvery person has his or her own preference for a pillow style. Lumpy, bumpy, firm or soft – it makes no difference as long as it is comfortable to you. Purchase one with a solid covering so the stuffing doesn’t fall out and make a mess. On the other hand, if it doesn’t have a good covering, buy an extra pillowcase and double stuff it.