Amy (Husband with Bipolar)

Posted December 26, 2011

I was married to a very talented eye surgeon for 24 years. We had four children and adopted one from India. We were very concerned about underprivileged people getting medical care. He was very devout man of God and very humble as well. Over the last for years of our marriage he decided to travel all around the world fixing eyes, but it turned into an addiction. He started becoming insatiable in everything and drinking more. He started becoming more and more erratic – moods ranging from deep deep deep depressions and then spectacular trips. He started throwing things out of his life that he felt would hold him back. Unfortunately that included me and my kids.

The man in no longer the man I married, and the children don’t recognize their daddy who is very promiscuous as well. Seems like everything about him went to the opposite. How are we supposed to cope?


  1. I empathize with your story and I know how painful it be trying to cope with this. I too was married to my ex for 20 years. While I knew he had addictive tendencies (both his parents were alcoholics), they did not rear their ugly heads until he was in his early 40’s. He suddenly became obsessed with “hobbies”: expensive music equipment (he all of a sudden was a “composer”), astronomy and telescopes, flying motorized model airplanes, model trains. He did not do these in moderation, he was truly obsessed with each hobby. After several years, his hobbies came to include becoming either emotionally and/or physically involved with other women: coworkers, ex-girlfriends, waitresses, etc. He had extreme mood swings, terrible outbursts of rage, extreme passive-aggessive behavior, etc. He became a completely different man than the one I had fallen in love with and married and had children with. He became 100% self-absorbed and totally detached from being a family man.

    This was many years ago, and I now am educated and experienced about Bipolar and other mental illnesses. I am convinced without a doubt that he had undiagnosed Bipolar, which ultimately ruined our marriage.

    You did not say in your post whether your husband has been officially diagnosed and/or on med’s. I feel this is crucial. If he acknowledges he has a problem, is remorseful of his behavior, and is actively and sincerely getting treatment, I feel your marriage has a chance to survive (keep in mind that this may not be in your best interests…seek couseling for yourself to explore that). If he is in denial, and says you are the crazy one that is causing all the problems, and refuses to get psychiatric help, then I really think you should cut your losses and get out SOON!!! Things are not going to get better, in fact all the ongoing stress threatens your mental health. I know first hand how devastating the end of a long term marriage and divorce is, but sometimes it comes down to personal survival.

    I highly recommend you to contact NAMI in your area, and go to a few free support groups for spouses. This will start you on your journey.

    Wishing you the best.

  2. You’re right, you and your mom are two different ppolee, and there is indeed a good chance you won’t have Bipolar, especially if you are already feeling that you will be fine. Since I have Bipolar 2 I often wonder if I should have kids, and if I do have kids if they will end up with Bipolar as well. Then my mom reminds me that even though there is a chance they will have Bipolar, that there is an even greater chance that they won’t. It seems like you have things under control right now and that you don’t need any advice, so I don’t really have anything else to say. However if you do find yourself feeling like you might have Bipolar or feeling depressed again I hope that you are able to seek help from a counselor or somebody right away, and that you have a great support system who can understand since there is already a history in your family

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