My mother is bipolar, and in the family we have known this as far as I can remember. However my dad has never done anything about it, and whenever I mention getting help for her he seems to agree but does not do it for some reasons. When she has episodes, they always end up being traumatic experiences for all of us and I don’t understand why he won’t get her the help she needs. I don’t think he realizes that it is a mental ILLNESS that requires medication.
I’m bipolar and have not gone to a doctor to be officially diagnosed or given medication. Earlier this year I had an episode of depression; I would be on the floor of my bathroom thinking horrible thoughts through the night, then some time near 2 am fall on my bed and sleep. 3 hours later I would have to wake up and go to school like a zombie. Sometimes I would get fits, and lock myself in my room the whole day once I’d come back from school, just sitting there drawing like a maniac, some pretty dark drawings. I still have the notebook with all of my drawings from that period and it’s painful to look at. I got out of it slowly, and it took a long time to recover by myself.
When I was in that period I never said a word to my family; I would simply not talk to them and I pretended, hard, to be happy in front of my friends at school. Now I go to school and my mood changes as though someone keeps flicking a switch randomly, but I put a happy face on and people believe me. To feel somewhat happy, I’m always trying to get myself in a mentally giddy state, so I can laugh and feel lighter. However my attention is never focused in exams and my grades have just been slipping further down.
I can’t tell my dad I’m bipolar – he’ll blow me off. My sister wouldn’t be able to do nothing. She’s in England anyway. My mom has her own problems, and she’s always needed help but she never gets it. She thinks she’s absolutely fine, and she downright scares me sometimes. Right now is not such a bad period for me, but I know that getting medication would stabilize my moods and focus my attention. Or would it? How do I know getting medication will turn me into more of a zombie. I don’t want to become dependant on medication. I just wanna live my life! And since I didn’t get help in my worst period ever, I don’t see why I should get it now.
The only thing that goes against this thought and knowing that some time, sooner or later, I’ll have an episode, either of depression or mania. But to tell you the truth, I don’t think I’ll get help. From whom would I get it anyways? It would be embarrassing to tell my teachers, my friends, not to mention my family. I don’t wanna be a freak. But I would like your opinion. Thank you for just reading this, if you do. I’ve never told anyone about this story of my life. Keep it all in.