Posted on March 20, 2009

Hi there. My name is Dave and my situation is complicated. For 5 years I have been in an affair with a married woman who since starting the affair has been diagnosed as Bipolar. I’d never heard of it until then, but have read lots about it since. I know I’m a nasty bastard for seeing a married woman. I’m single, but I do love her and am so worried about her. Her marriage has been on the rocks for years, her behavior is the reason. She hadn’t been unfaithful in the previous 10 years, and recently has been a few times.

We are close, not actually being a couple makes it easy for her to talk to me and tell me the things she’s done, which hurts but I understand it’s not her fault, it’s the illness. Looking back, that’s why she started seeing me. I want to be there for her whatever happens. We are like best friends as well as lovers. The pain she puts me through is horrible but I know she isn’t choosing to do it. She just can’t stop herself.

The highs are painful to deal with, seeing other men, being aggressive and unpredictable. The lows scare me shitless, so I worry she’ll end up killing herself to escape the inner torment. In between times are like there’s nothing wrong. I feel guilty as hell for the pain our affair has caused her husband, although he doesn’t know about us, or the other men she’s been with recently, and he would kill her if he found out. I just want to be there for her, I do love her. I just don’t know what to do.

At times I’ve felt like telling her we are over, to escape the pain, but never actually go through with it. Would love to hear from anyone who has bipolar, what would you want me to do if you were in her position?

Thanks for reading this, as I say, I know I’m a bad person for the pain I have caused. It wasn’t intended, and if I’d known what bipolar was 5 years ago I wouldn’t have gotten involved with an affair, but I am and want to help her. Any advice would be great.

1 Comment

  1. I have bipolar and I have been struggling with it since I was a teen. I use to cheat on my boy friends and not care, there is almost a switch that just turns off inside of you. She needs to go to a doctor and go on medicine. I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to be sick and I didn’t want to have to take a pill everyday! But since I have been on it, I look back and see how much pain I have cause and how I have in some ways ruined my life! It is a sad illness and if you love her get her help. Its not worth it staying ill. The first months on pills are really hard but, you feel normal after a while. All I have ever wanted is to feel normal and I do now. Leave if she doesn’t want to take the pills, you’ll just get hurt and dragged down. The people who love you are the people who sometimes get hurt the most.

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