David from Manchester, England

Hi, my name is David. I am 39 and live in Manchester, England. I guess I have suffered from the age of ten with bipolar disorder. My life as been difficult, but I know of others who have suffered much worse. Over the last five years, I have managed to build a family and have a beautiful girlfriend and two children. Things aren’t going that well, as the responsibility and emotional stress are getting to be too much.

The problem is I was going like a speeding bullet when I decided to do all this. I have only just been told by the doctor that I have bipolar 2, stroke 1, and OCD. The trouble is my moods change so much that I don’t know whether my thoughts and feelings are true or not. I can be really excited and steaming through life till I cant stop, and then I start to shout and scream at every body really aggressively. I can be in a state that I feel agitated, aggressive, excited, and depressed all at the same time. Then I might have three months of the year of not wanting to get out of bed and just not caring at all. I have unwanted harmful thoughts and sexual thoughts. I can’t stop eating, smoking, and ruminating… trying to work things out in my head. My kids are suffering with their daddy shouting at them all the time.

I just don’t know what to do any more. I take mood stabilizers and they make me depressed. I take antidepressants, and they make me high. Whatever I do, my family suffers. I need the moods to stop and be calm and rational for my kids. The urge to go out and party and go wild is getting harder to fight. On the other side, the depression and shouting are tearing my family apart. If anybody understands or has been through the same thing, could they share there experience or give any advice?

Kind regards,



  1. Hi David,
    I just left a man because of his behavior, which is the same behavior you are describing. I put up with it for a while, we were together 6 years. Then it go so aggressive and scary that he started to threaten me, using a large kitchen knife at one point. I was unaware he was bipolar until I left, giving him the reality check he needed to go see a psychiatrist. Unfortunately, after a few sessions, he decided that the psychiatrist was crazy and giving him medicine for no reason, so he stopped taking it and went back into his manic state which had subsided a little for the few weeks he was seeking treatment. So, I just want to let you know that if you don’t find a way to get help and stabilize yourself, your significant other will probably leave you like I was forced to do, I didn’t want to, but I didn’t feel there was a safe alternative, I would just be wondering every night if he would wake up and decide to kill me that night and I can’t live with that uncertainty. Maybe you should do a long term stay at hospital for a month or so? This would maybe help determine a better level for your medicines and it would give your family a break that they probably need.

  2. Hi David,

    I am from near Manchester. I have recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, though now know I have been suffering from this for many years. I identify with your email more than anything else I have read. I am 31 and following recent therapy, I am (on the surface) feeling hopeful that I can cope with this and get my life back on track, now that I know about it. In my heart though, I know that the devil in me (I just do know how to go wild with devastating consequences for myself, the people who love me, and often others around me), will resurface at some point – as much as i want so much for that not to be the case. I have chosen not to take medication. My recovery plan involves knowing how to bring myself down (through relaxation) when I feel high (and making sure I religiously do this even though it’s the last thing I want to do when I am buzzing away!). Also, I have vowed to change my lifestyle so I never go out on ‘high risk’ occasions (e.g. with the girls). I am desperately trying to get pregnant (with my partners agreement)…. in the hope that if I have a family, I will be forced to remain stable (behaviour and mood). It scares me to hear your story…as obviously you are still suffering, probably more so now you have a family, because of the added guilt.

    My Dad was my age (31) when he committed suicide (he was bipolar and alcoholic also) and was so irritable with us as children and very violent with my mum when he was drunk. I now understand so much his behaviour as I believe I am a female version of him. I find it very hard to cope with being someone whose behaviour I do not identify with when I feel ‘normal’. In terms of advice – I do find the relaxation helps so much as it brings me down from my manic episodes naturally…rather than my previous (albeit unconscious) method of self medicating with alcohol or drugs. Maybe you could learn how to do this and try it. Therapy has also been really helpful for me, though i have been lucky to get this through private healthcare through work…maybe worth asking your GP whether you could have access to therapy.

    I really feel for you as i know how low you can feel after hurting / being horrible to the people around you, and also how difficult it is to control the mood and the behaviour…even when you know how much you don’t like that part of yourself!! Good luck with things, Michelle.

  3. Hello , how are you ? I thought I would write to tell you that though you have many problems there is indeed an answer for all of it. The only way we can get control of ourselves is to first realize that many of our problems are caused by our own sin nature that we have. For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. Which we all received from our first parents , Adam and Eve. Who sinned against God and we all received a sin nature from them. But we also have sinned ourselves against our creator God and others because of this. The real answer is to agree with God on this and repent or submit our will to God and then to trust in the only begotten Son of God or God manifest in the flesh , The Lord Jesus Christ as our own personal Saviour and Lord God. He came into the world to save sinners and to seek and to save that which was lost.We are all born into the world lost , without God , in the world. He died for all our sins on the cross and for you personally shedding his own sinless blood as the full atonement for your sins on the cross of Calvary 2000 years ago. He was then buried ,and rose from the dead the third day , was seen of men , and went back up to heaven. He is the only way to get our sins and guilt taken away from us and then be brought back into fellowship with God and others. There is indeed hope for you as well as the rest of us who come to him for forgiveness of sins and the gift of God which is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Since the wages of sin is death and behond physical death is eternal death in hell fire forever if one is not saved or born again. Jesus said , Ye must be born again to enter the kingdom of God. So come to him today with true repentance for sin and trust him as Saviour and ask him to forgive all your sins in his precious blood and give you new life in Christ and he will do that for you. And also listen in to good preaching of God’s word and good music at http://www.fbnradio.com . Sincerely ; George

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