June 26, 2008 

Hi everyone…

I am on the other side of this spectrum. I am 47 and have BP. My family says I have been a bit crazy for years. Eveything you said is so similar to what I do, with a few exceptions. (Or so I’ve been told). I am deep in debt. Messed up two marriages. (My second husband still loves me and now wants me back). I am now on meds. Am not on disablity so not sure how long I can continue to take my meds. They are not cheap. My family (my kids, which are now twenty eight and twenty one) told me I was bipolar, I denied it. Still do at times. “Oh I’m better.” I’d say and not want to go to the doctor or take my meds.

While I’m in a manic episode, I don’t know how bad I am. After I come down and get depressed I know it must have been bad, but I still don’t understand how bad till someone tells me. I can’t hold down a job. Oh I can get most any job, but I always quit for some reason. Not enough money, can’t stand the people, or something. It scares me to think I have a mental disablity. Just thought I’d write.

I try to understand just how hard it is for the loved ones. It takes a strong person to live with a person with BP. Meds help. I still find myself hiding from people. I get angery for no reason, less and less now. I pray that I will not conitnue to hide. My ex husband has learned a lot about my condition and tries harder and knows now what sets me off and at times can almost talk me out of a episode.

I’m going to stop here. If I think too hard things kinda get mixed up…

Thank you for your time…


  1. Hi, Ellie–

    You say some hopeful things. Your kids are grown, your second husband seems to still love you and is trying to learn more, and you’re on meds (hopefully something that is helping). If you’re having trouble paying for the meds, I wonder if Partnership for Prescription Assistance could help – it’s that free medication group that Montel Williams promotes. If not, sometimes doctors can provide sufficient “samples” to get you through.

    Not wanting to take your meds is pretty common, but just about everyone who knows anything about BP will tell you that’s the most important step. As my wife was being released from the hospital, the one thing the doctor said was, “Keep taking your medications.”

  2. I understand I thought I was all better till my relapse after 8 yrs of being relatively well. I can’t get a job, and I lost my dear boyfriend I hope he still loves me. When I was manic or hyper manic even with a diagnosis I mostly don’t realise it. Depresion is easy to recognise lol.

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