I Hate Being Bipolar

Posted January 9, 2012

I hate being bipolar. I hate that the mania feels so good BUT ALWAYS GETS ME INTO TROUBLE. I am currently taking Neurontin, Prozac, and Abilify and it’s working. (I am at a happy medium.) In the past I have always stopped taking my medicine HOPING TO GET A LITTLE MANIC, which as I get older I realize is SO STUPID because I either end up in jail or the nut house OR BOTH.

I could tell a bunch of stories, but I would have to write a book, so for now this is all I can share. People have asked me what the mania feels like, and all I can say is for me it feels like I have done a huge line of cocaine and can’t come down for like weeks, sometimes months. The mania is not worth THE CRASH OF DEPRESSION HELL which lasts way longer than the mania. It’s not worth going off my medicine, so I have my fiancé monitor me taking it each day. It’s very important to have a good doctor and a strong support system. THANK GOD BIPOLAR is TREATABLE. Good Luck to Everyone.


  1. You sound like you are happy about the fact that you have Bipolar Disorder. The way you explain that the medications you take is supposedly working. Well, how do you know if it is working? Define working. You believe what the doctors and nurses tell you to believe. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 about 9 years ago and now I am almost 25. My ex-psychiatrist retired me from appointment with him because of my age. The point is that the ONLY thing he could do for me is prescribe me pills of different sorts, and me to try it. I did as told hoping that things will get better or be different. Well it did not. All I noticed is that I was manic for few months and depressed for even longer. However, I was allowed to be off medications with the doctor’s approval between times. I realized that even being on medications I got manic or suffered from depression. I often think that maybe being on and switching from one psychotic pill to another may have effected my brain. I have been hospitalized numerous times and been to jail 3 times. Now I have nothing. I am an unemployed-hermit with no friends. Anyhow, I do still take pills because I am told that it will get me better. It did not and perhaps will not. I am finally thinking of not visiting a psychiatrist any more. I find it pointless and well waste of time and brain cells. I maybe mentally challenged but not retarded. After all this time I realize that doctors, nurses and social workers are all trained to tell you that medications works. What they do not tell you is that medication is the other name for prescribed “drugs” that can enhance or alter your brain chemistry permanently. Which makes a person reliable on their services; hence keeping them employed. I could go on about my experiences with having Bipolar Disorder, but that will make it a “never-ending story. However, briefly I can tell you that I live isolated and anticipate my death every night before I fall asleep.

  2. he had seen the “Light”. His bible study was quite intensive durnig this time. So convincing was his revelation that he had me wondering if maybe I should be going with him to bible study (and I’m not even Christian).Soon however he became overly involved in religion. He began to tell me he was seeing the Devil following him while at work and at school. At this time his features started to look really different. His eyes were open much too wide and he had a perpetual half grin on his face. He told some friends that the Devil couldn’t kill him, and to prove it he did a tight rope act on a third story balcony deck rail. To the horror of those who watched, he wildly strutted back and forth on the tiny railing, raising his hands like he had scored a touchdown at the Super Bowl.By now it was obvious something was up. I managed to get him into my apartment to try to talk him down. His response was to tell me he had never felt better. He stated that since his religious rebirth he was seeing things as they really were. And he continued by telling me he was really JESUS CHRIST of NAZARETH!!! He wasn’t kidding when he said this, he truely believed it. Well I had no idea what to say and was getting pretty nervous. Isuggested he see someone to try to find why he felt this way. Before I knew it he was up screaming that I was the Devil!!! We struggled. He was trying to leave. I couldn’t think of anything else to do so I let him go.The police came and I told them the whole story.Later that night I get a call from the cops. They tell me that yes they found him. He was found walking around downtown ********* (city name deleted for privacy). He was in a section of the city known for crime and violence. He was approached at a gas station by a group of young thugs. He’s still naked mind you. They begin to harrass him. In his naked religious fervor he tells the gang they can have his car. He hands them the keys and gives the astonished young man a big hug. He also gives them his wallet saying he would no longer be needing any money since he was Jesus.So when the cops find him he’s walking down the center of the street in the roughest part of town, Naked! They manage to bring him into custody. I get the word. They ask if I know his parents. I do but not so well, so they ask me to come downtown to fill out some forms to have him committed.When I get there I found (much to my chagrin) they lost him!!! he got up out of the chair in the police station covered only in a towel and simply walks out of the building Tune in later for more of this completely true story

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