July 15, 2008

I was with a guy for 6 years. There were strange episodes scattered throughout our relationship which I thought were just him getting overly emotional or whatever. Then things would get better. Then he would be controllling, telling me what to wear, etc. I am a pretty strong person, so I didn’t put up with it and we would argue. Then later he wouldn’t remember even telling me these things.

I was so confused for years. Finaly about the last 6 months we were together he started smoking pot constantly, 24 hours a day. He was only sleeping like 3am-5am every day. He had all these “goals” that he had to attain. He was fired from his job for “anger issues.” He tried to start a business and used the business to lease a new car, when we had just purchased a new car a couple months before that. He drew strange phrases and pictures all over the wall in our house with magic markers one night. When I woke up the next morning, I had no idea what was going on. He was totally “productive” in his words. He was always saying how he was accomplishing so much and he needed more projects to work on, when I could see that he couldn’t even manage the main project he was supposed to be doing.

He continued to smoke more and more pot. He would start arguments with me all the time, telling me I had to cook dinner more often and why didn’t I clean the house more, etc. But I actually did a lot of those things and had a full time job since he had been fired and I had to pay all the bills, which I couldn’t afford with his spending habits. When I confronted him about his behavior, he told me I was crazy, etc. He was very agressive and loud and verbally abusive. He took the car keys and said I couldn’t drive anywhere. He started a huge fight with me for no reason, I was just watching television, he was in the other room and came out to yell at me, kept getting about 6 inches from my face telling me all sorts of mean things, like I am stupid and worthless, I don’t love him, I want to sleep with a bunch of other men, etc. He turned the tv off so I could “focus” on him. Then he went in the kitchen and got a big knife. He sat in front of me and rubbed it up and down on his wrists, saying that he was going to cut himself open and I wouldn’t even take him to the hospital because I don’t love him even if blood was squirting all over the floor. I had no idea what to do I didn’t talk at all, this lasted 5 hours of screaming, I may have said 5 words the whole time, I just lay there like a zombie.

The next day I had to go to work and he had taken the car keys, but was passed out on the couch. I woke him up hoping he was less crazy, but he wasn’t, he started yelling about how I would never drive the car, and he wouldn’t take me because I was an ungrateful bitch. Finally for some reason he agreed to take me to work. We got in the car and he drove the wrong direction to my work and said he wouldnt’ turn around until I agreed he was right and I was wrong, but I didn’t even know what he was talking about, so I just said, Ok I am wrong. He was screaming the whole time about I am a bitch, and many other cusswords.

Finally about a block from my work, he stopped the car and leaned over and opened my door and said he hated me and I am a bitch and I could just walk the rest of the way. So of course I Was crying hysterically at this point, but I just walked to work. He followed me with the window open screaming obscenities at me as I walked, then demanded I get back in the car, which I did not. Finally he drove off.

When I arrived at work, my employer was concerned and we called the police. I got a restraining order against him. When he arrived at court a few weeks later for the hearing, he was totally manic. He could barely speak, he sounded drunk, but I know he was not. He was completely delusional and saying he was famous and worked with famous people all the time and he wrote all kinds of delusional things on the court documents like he made $20K in one day of work. I barely even talked at the hearing because he did all the work, he just rambled on and on, the judge let him talk for 45 minutes. Finally the judge ruled and this guy was still rambling. The sheriff escorted him out of the courthouse and told me not to leave without an escort.

The thing that is bad however is that I didn’t know he had bipolar disorder. I thought he was just a mean guy having a nervous breakdown. I am not even sure now if that’s what it is, but after reading all this stuff, I think that’s what it is. He still sends weird emails, despite the order. In one he said he had gone to a psychiatrist who gave him Zyprexa and something else which he didn’t name, so I am assuming that it’s bipolar. I feel bad for him. His family doesn’t help him, they don’t understand what’s going on, they think I am crazy for leaving him, I haven’t gone back and I don’t speak to him. I think once someone waves a knife in your face, it’s over. So that’s what I have to say to those other people whose significant others have choked or beat them. Hopefully he will get the help he needs before he hurts himself or someone else.