Posted March 2, 2012
I can’t give all the details now, because it would take too long. I’m actually writing a book about my whole bipolar life up to this point that I hope to release this year. So, I will give a general overview about my story as a manic-depressive. I was diagnosed Bipolar I in March of 2005. Up to that point I was just a normal teenager in high school. I played sports, I skateboarded, I went to church, and I hung out with my friends and family.
In February I began to read a book by Joel Osteen, Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential. I noticed after reading it my thoughts began to change. My thoughts became more positive, which wasn’t too bad of a thing. I was in a prayer group at my high school, and I was asked to give a speech on a spiritual topic of my choice. All around this time I was going on a couple dates, working at night, and working on my speech into the morning hours. It came to the point where I wasn’t sleeping and when the morning came to give the speech, I put shaving cream on my face and grabbed my toothbrush! I wasn’t thinking straight at all from a lack of sleep.
The speech was fine. However things at home would get heated at times and as the week went on, I was sent home from work, was accused of stalking a girl, and had hallucinations that my mom was the devil. I became very delusional to say the least, and paranoid.
I ended up in the hospital in March of 2005 twice in three weeks. The medications as everyone knows are horrible, but they work if you stay on them! The whole process of trying this medication and then that made me feel like a guinea pig. I became stabilized eventually once I accepted that I needed the meds. Of course family and friends played a key role in convincing me and supporting me to stay on them too.
Five years later I had another manic episode. Again I believe I had too much going on at the same time. In the course of a month, I started a new job, I got involved with an older woman at work, I moved out, then I got fired. All this stress sent me into another episode obviously. Again I was delusional, super-spiritual, and I believed that God had me on a special mission. Again I ended up in the hospital, for about a month. So much went on in there and out of the hospital, but this is just a snapshot. I stabilized in the hospital, then was put in a group home before moving back home. It wasn’t an easy recovery, it took time and I was depressed and withdrawn for months.
My life is a work in progress. I’m doing much better now for the most part. I’m healthy, but I just wish I could hold down a job better. It has been a constant struggle since getting out of the hospital two years ago. I believe I belong somewhere, but finding that place can be difficult with the symptoms of bipolar. It’ll work out.