Kid with a Hope

Submitted on April 10, 2010

I was diagnosed with Bipolar II in the summer of 2006. Since then I have graduated and am going to college to become a psychiatrist because I want to help others who have this disorder.

Not only has it hindered my ability to work properly, but school has been so exhausting that I had to ask for clemency for this semester. I’m trying to find a psychiatrist right now, but it’s hard to find a good one in Vegas.

MY story is pretty simple. For years I struggled with my family and this disease. They had this entire mentality of thinking that I was just going through normal adolescent changes when I knew damn well that what was going on inside my head was not normal.

I’m 20 now and my parents’ have pretty much given up on me. It hasn’t stopped me from trying to reach out to people though. I think I can vouch for everyone by saying that this disease doesn’t care whether you’re black, green, blue, or purple. It will not go away and if it runs in your family you can pass it to your children.

I made the decision to adopt when that time comes in my life where I want children. I know some people might think that’s selfish, but selfishness is letting your child be born with a disease that can pull him so low he won’t want to live and pushing him so high he’ll think he can fly. And when you get one of those Grand Delusions, the consequences can be disastrous.

That is not a world that I want my child to have. I have seen too much pain and too much hatred to continue along with it. I think we should look at that reality more often.

Every single day I am trying to learn something new about this disorder. I have practically lived out of bipolar books for the past year and have been doing therapy on and off since I was diagnosed. I have learned how different medications affect my body and have even gone so far as to guinea pig myself so that I can keep track of every type of feeling I experience.

The medications that have helped me the most have been Lamictal, Fluvox, and Depakote. Prozac, Abilify, and Zoloft completely suppressed all my thoughts, although I know they work in others, but unfortunately, I had a bad run. Also, all these should be sided with psychotherapy. It makes it so much better.

If you’re out there and you think that the world is on top of your shoulders, don’t give up. Even at my low point now, I love waking up everyday to my friends who I live with. I wouldn’t trade this for the world.

1 Comment

  1. Thank you SO much for sharing your story. I am trying so hard to figure out what “goes on” in my daughter’s head. She is 15 1/2. I posted her story here. Can you explain HOW you feel, what you think? I want so desperately to help my daughter…(I’ve even suspected that I have it to a lesser degree.) My sister and her son do. I appreciate you!

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