January 8, 2009
My wife suffers with Bipolar and Depression. She recently was hospitalized due to her trying to take her life over the Thanksgiving holiday. Unfortunately we did not have insurance, so she was at the mercy of the State and their programs. While in there they did diagnose her as Bipolar / Depressed and I believe Schizophrenia. She now takes Lithium, Lexapro, some other medicines I don’t know the name of. In total its like six medications that she is taking from before where she was only taking Lexapro.
We have 3 kids together. 2 are ours and the others are hers through a previous relationship. Obviously she must keep contact with the father for our daughter which I have no problem with. However, he calls my wife about everyday and they spend at least an hour or more on the phone. If it’s not about our daughter, then why the need to talk so long? I expressed to her my dissatisfaction with this; however, my feelings are never considered.
Most recently, the father decided that he was going to give my wife a car. During a conversation, she hands me the phone and says speak to Shawn about the car. That’s his name. I said, “What car?”
“The car he is going to give me,” she says.
I say “I don’t need to speak with him about the car,” and got rather angry.
Later on, she comes back and says, “Why are you mad?”
I said, “I don’t need another man to buy or give my wife a car, especially since we already have a working vehicle for you to drive.” Then, I said, “What’s he going to do next, pay my mortgage for me? I am the man of this house and it emasculates me when I have another man from your past who is offering to give you things that I should be giving you. It doesn’t matter because you are going to do what you want.”
She says, “Yeah, that’s right. Whatever you say doesn’t matter.” And walks away. Let me say, that hurt. There is nothing wrong with our other vehicle – she just doesn’t like it. I want to buy her another vehicle and will be able to in a few months.
She said that I was blowing it out of proportion. It’s like me accepting a rather substantial gift from one of my past girlfriends just for the hell of it.
Well, as a result, we are not talking now, and she sent me an email telling me that I pout whenever she doesn’t do what I want her to. Honestly though, it’s not that. It’s pride. It’s a man’s pride, which she obviously doesn’t understand. Because of her illness, she is very impulsive. She wants what she wants when she wants it. On top of that, she never considers my feelings in anything. All I want is for her to place herself in my shoes, but it seems she can’t.
I’ve been reading several stories on here, and it seems that I am not the only one who is going through similar problems. There is no reasoning with her, and I feel that I am always the enemy, even though I’m the one who is always there when things don’t go right in her life. I just feel like I’m needed when it’s convenient for me to be needed and when she doesn’t need me, then to HELL with me. I am tired of always giving and giving and never getting anything in return. I tell her that her illness is at the center of all our problems. However, when I say that, her reply is you always say that, and it’s not. This is how I feel. I feel like I am always the one who is bending and giving in, and my feelings never count.
Is there anyone going through something similar and if so, do you have any advice?