Posted October 11, 2012
My name is Linda, I am 60 years old. I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder 5 years ago. I am sure I have had it all my life. I have never fit in anywhere, was horrible with relationships, have 3 kids by 3 different men, was very promiscuous when I was young.
In grade school, I was disliked by the other kids as well as teachers. I would break out into fits of ‘giggles” in class for no reason. Even if someone died, I giggled, even if I was very sad. I was a constant and habitual liar, as well as a thief, I stole things I didn’t even want or need. Stealing somehow got me excited and happy. Possessions always meant a lot to me.
In some ways, I did get better as I got older, the lying and stealing stopped, and I have been celibate for 12 years now. I can’t even begin to explain the horrible guilt I feel each and every day. All the people I hurt over the years. I had “obsessions” over men I didn’t even want, having wild fantasies about them, hour after hour, neglecting my kids to do so. I tried to work, but hated it, couldn’t stand the people, I have always been a loner, and very private usually, I would just walk out and never go back.
Once I had kids, I qualified for welfare, food stamps, and rental assistance. That is how I survived for many years, till I was cut off. Then, my parents helped me, they knew I had very serious problems, but thought it was severe depression.
I was finally diagnosed 5 years ago, my life has changed so much with the right meds. I am 100% different. I am now on SSI, and assisted living.