Posted on July 20, 2011
I’m tired of thinking everyone is out to get me. Over the last year I have gotten severe paranoia and it’s pushing away my family and my close friends, I can barely be in public anymore without the feeling that everyone around me is out to get me. There are girls I like but when I get around them I get nervous and anxious and think they’re trying to give me STDs or trying to hurt me in some way. I have opportunities to have a girlfriend but the constant fear and paranoia causes me to push them away, and when I’m around my friends I think they’re trying to set me up for disaster. I know they’re good people and wouldn’t do me like that deep down, but I still seem to think that, and it’s ruining my life.
Recently I started having hallucinations. I always think that people are trying to crawl in my windows, but I know they aren’t because the it’s a basement window that has a board over it, and in my head I know it’s not possible at all, but my craziness tells me they’re putting wire cameras down there and stuff like that.
I always think people are talking shit about me, or they talk about me behind my back, or they’re undercover trying to put me in the nut ward or in jail. I know deep down that it’s all in my head, but I still can’t seem to beat it. It’s starting to get worse. I feel like just isolating myself from the world. I feel like I’m going to be alone forever because of this disorder. I feel like I’m worthless to the world sometimes.
I used to never be like this. I used to be outgoing and have fun and not be paranoid all the time. Now when I’m around people I feel like they hate me or they want to do something wrong to me. Some of my friends said I look like I’m going to hurt someone or myself. I would never do that. I don’t ever think that. I may get irritable with people, like annoyed, and say stuff like “Shut up!” or just look like I’m irritable or yell, but I don’t ever think of hurting anyone or myself, especially my family and friends. I’m too scared of getting in trouble… LOL. I only think to get away from them.
This is the first time I have ever said how I really feel. I have told people that I’m paranoid, but they can see that from just being around me. What can I do to get my life back on track?!!!!!!