Submitted May 8, 2015
The pain is real. My partner of 18 years was diagnosed with bipolar two weeks ago. And this is my story.
Eighteen years of being happy and somewhat sexually frustrated that my wife didn’t want to have sex as much as I did. The first year was great. After the first year it slowed down. She has always wanted kids since she was 15. A little over a year after we have been together she became pregnant. Every year after giving birth she became pregnant again. I decided enough and we stopped at four. Her attention then turned to buying clothes for the kids. After that, we got 4 dogs, then birds, then Christian books and Bibles, then chickens and a duck. Now after 18 years… something happened.
She started going out every other night with her cousin, then her sister came to town and she was on drugs and already cheating on her husband. She cheated on him while she was here. My wife would go out with her to keep her safe. After a week of this my sister-in-law went home. A few days later, my wife asked for some space. She stopped working with the kids after school, preparing dinner and cleaning. So I was mad. I said fine, because I was mad and frustrated.
A few days later, and her still going out, I called her sister and said I wouldn’t be surprised if she wasn’t cheating on me. When she responded with “I don’t want to get involved” I knew it. All the other years would be “She would Never!”
I called the other sister and she said the same thing. I called my wife and accused her of cheating and that I was on my way home. I flipped out when I got home. She said she was very sorry and it was with one guy and she only gave him oral. (She knew if she had sex it would be over.) She swore she would not talk to him anymore. I setup a therapist appointment, and she begged for forgiveness. I accepted and we had great sex for three days, better than the last 17 years. I talked with her sister again and she said check online for singles sights to see if I can find anything. I did and then realized her sister was trying to help me. The day before, so 2 days after working on our marriage, I found her on a site talking with some guy, saying she wanted him to screw her hard and asking if they can meet that night. So he gave her his number and that was all that was there. I confronted her and said WTF? She said she was getting off just on the dirty talk and nothing more.
In therapy she said she looks for that feeling that she doesn’t get with me and that she wants us both. Well three sessions in and her getting medicine for bipolar. She seems to be out of that manic state, but not fully. She got with a con, who was last arrested for chocking his girlfriend unconscious. He is a seven-time felon and lives in a halfway house. He makes $11 dollars an hour and has to pay child support.
I found out she still takes off to see him and comes home the next day whenever. I know that guy she said she just talked dirty with, she met him that night, messed around but not sex. And she also had a fascination with a married guy at the local bar.
She has been on meds almost two weeks, said she’s not ready to give him up and she is actually trying to get him to a closer halfway house to where we live. Keep in mind she is making bad decisions but I see the meds working… I think she has feelings for him now, even though she says he is fat and small… so not being fully manic… there is something else.
I have filed for divorce but am trying to be nice. Because she now lives in the basement and said she will leave me the house so the kids can stay stable. I hurt sooo bad. it’s a roller coaster. You hope the meds will help her see the light, but it’s not really helping. The therapist says give it two weeks, but with two weeks a few days away, I don’t see a miracle.
I want her out of my house so I don’t have to see, hear or know what she is doing. I supported her all my life, gave her everything. Everyone in our life knows it. And for this to happen is crazy. I also found out she has been flirting with guys for the last two years. She wasn’t manic then but never gave me a clue. I just wanted her to go out and have fun, while I always stayed home with the kids.
I will get a divorce and I will keep my kids and the house. I don’t want this in my house… and I don’t want to go through this every now and again.
She started bringing him her meds, and he is trying to get her to do meth. I will have him arrested again, but the problem is that she will just seek that feeling with someone else, and it happens all over again. I will never take her back. All the pain is too real and I have always been a strong person. Time to invest in myself and my kids, so that they don’t end up like their mother.