Posted November 10, 2011
I was first diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder in 1992 and used the revolving door to go in and out of hospitals that entire year. When we moved from NY to PA in 2003, I thought I had had a handle on the Bi-Polar but the mood swings were unbearable. I am in my early 60?s and on disability because of the illness but I am suffering silently because of it. I have a lot of manic episodes followed by bouts of depression. I see a wonderful psychiatrist and I take Lamictal which keeps me on an even keel most of the time. I see a therapist as well, but she does not seem to be addressing my Bi-Polar issues that well.
On top of this, I am also having marital problems but that’s another complicated story as I believe my husband also has some form of mental illness though he won’t own up to it or seek therapy. Our marriage of 26 years is falling apart and he refuses to go to therapy with me. I left him twice before but always returned. Everything was good for a few months and then the marriage started falling apart again! Whenever we have an argument, he always tells me that “I” am the one with the mental illness, not him! I beg to differ. I refuse to leave him again and I will definitely not cheat but this puts my feelings on the back burner. I have learned over the years with the help of therapy to stand up for myself but when I do this the marriage conflicts are worsened!
Right now, I am in a semi-depressed state but I am trying to hold my own. The manic states are coming faster than ever and I am having difficulty stabilizing them. Whenever I talk to my social worker about these concerns, we wind up off the beaten track and this worries me, so I am actively looking for a therapist who actually works with Bi-Polar issues.
I read everything I can get my hands on about this disorder but I am not always able to stop the manic/depression states on my own and I definitely refuse to go back into the hospital! I am a very sensitive, serious and caring person. However, my situation at home is making my Bi-Polar swings more prevalent. Thank goodness I found this website as I’d love comments and/or help from psychologists and/or other people on this site. Much thanks!