July 14, 2008
I am the mom of 3 adult bipolar kids with other diagnoses thrown in for good measure! Borderline personality disorder is one. I love my kids dearly, but I am so stressed because of dealing with their roller coaster crap I am very close to severing all ties. My problem is there are many grandkids involved, one I am raising. My daughter is really a difficult person for me to deal with. She is manipulative, very narcissistic, and a user of people, and I frankly am tired of giving to her constantly. I am tired of her living in my home and drawing her disability money while her husband works SOMETIMES…, but they keep having kids!
My house is turned upside down since she is pregnant AGAIN and off the meds. She is lazy, and has a horrible sense of entitlement. When you try to talk to her about it of course she is NASTY! I work full time and am just totally worn to the point of exhaustion because she refuses to pick up after herself or the kids.
My sons do not live in my home, but they play the relationship off and on game with me, and I am tired of it. If they get mad, they sever ties for 5 or 6 months, then they get over whatever made them mad (usually it’s when they are either in a manic phase and doing drugs or other dangerous things and I say something that they do this).
My ex husband was diagnosed about 4 years ago with bipolar disorder, and he also has the borderline personality type traits. My kids are not only draining me emotionally, they have cost me so much money my head swims. I don’t think I can take it anymore. I cannot seem to find other parents with the same issues to talk to. I myself am becoming very depressed because these kids are making me ill. They refuse to stay on meds, they continue to wreak havoc constantly, and they are 31, 27, and 25 years old now. I feel I can no longer deal with the situation at hand, and I just want a little peace in my life. Any suggestions out there?
I do not have any suggestions for you. However I can very much empathize. I have a sister who is Bipolar and does and behaves very similar to your kids. She is currently in a depressive stage and I am feeling like it to some degree is manupulative. The more depressed I am the more pathetic I can be the less I have to take responsibility for my life. I too have had it and am exhausted and have thought of severing all ties. She too is “really a difficult person for me to deal with. She is manipulative, very narcissistic, and a user of people, and frankly I too am tired of giving to her constantly.” She definitely “plays the relationship off and on game with me, and I am tired of it. If she gets mad, she too sever ties. sometimes for as long as two years or so, then she gets over it and yes usually she gets mad when she is a manic stage and I begin to call her on her crap. She stopped talking to me recently about a month ago and went around telling people we both know what a B—- I am. Then last Sunday she calls saying “I need help” and wants me to take her to the hospital. I pick her etc…. and now it’s the pathetic I’m so depressed I can’t function… pay my bills etc… I have so had it! I too work full time and am exhausted. I just cannot take it.
This comment is to Jane. I am wondering how she is doing now. It is 2013. I have one bipolar adult son and I cannot even imagine how any of you cope with more than one family member that has a mental illness. My love and prayers go out to you. I learned how to cope with the bipolar illness by a class. my husband and I took (several weeks).
I mostly learned there was nothing I could do but to love my son. Hope the medicine cocktail would finally be found that works. Be sure he gets along with doctor and find one that also counsels and does not just dish out drugs (one size fits all). So support emotionally, knowing they are not enjoying this ride either, love them unconditionally, keep them safe to the best of your ability,. I found all my son wanted was love and acceptance of who he was. Respect them, do not argue with them when they don’t make sense. Love them like you would a 10 year old child. Accept that their brain is ill and so many are very intelligent people so praise them for the knowledge they have. Compliment them when they do good and build them up because they really need that. Love, hope, and believe in them. Try not to go broke. Pray to God to help you. Take quiet time to love yourself and recoup your strength. Some day you will get your reward. Most likely every one else has given up on them and they feel very abandoned and unjustly judged for having an illness that has unjustly taken hole of their life. Help them to be a winner over this illness.
not sure if this would be considered a treiggr or just an annoyance .but i absolutely hate it when people argue with me about my diagnosis: youre not bipolar, you just have an attitude problem believe me, if i could control my emotions, I wouldnt chose to be sad or angry all the time. I wouldnt chose to be so extremely happy that I feel like dying when I come back to reality. Even when I know theres no reason to feel a particular way, I cant control it. I just feel. I am.
Sorry. I, too, can empathize. I have a 22-year-old bipolar daughter who lies and manipulates. You need to take care of yourself. You’ve done all you could.
I had no idea this was so common! I too have struggled with my daughter. I haven’t spoken to her for almost 2 years now. I love n miss her very much, however I can’t deal with her anymore. I pray everyday for her health n safety.
My daughter is 31 and has a son. They live with me. I can’t explain the sadness I feel watching both of their lives. So isolated!!! I have supported her for 5 years. I just can’t do it anymore. I know I have to make this clear to her. She hates it when I begin to talk a out the issues. She won’t work. I believe a small job would be helpful for her. I am lost and feel like I’m a prisoner in my own home.
My Sister just hit 50 and she had a gastric bypass surgery to lose weight which caused her bipolarness to come out. She lost her job, car, savings, everything, and then she went to live with our Mom for over 2 years and she didn’t do anything but complain, sleep, eat, watch tv all night and, shit. She called me one day saying she was gonna kill our Mother and she tried to but I got there before she could finish her off. Now my sister has a restraining order and can’t see our Mom for 5 years as well as her ex-boyfriend for he put one on her and she broke it. Her life is nothing but shambles now and no one wants to help out and she is about to be homeless very soon for she is gonna be DC’ed from a mental health place tomorrow, and she has to see her parole officer on Wed and she has court again on Thur to talk the Judge about things, and yes she spent an entire year in jail for beating the shit out of our Mother. She can’t live with me and my wife and kiddo, and she can’t see our Mother, and our Father refuses to let her live there either = so what the hell do we do now? The mental health system is so broken, and I’m so tired of it all…if I was depressed like she is I’d off myself too for this is just too much, however I’m not and I love my family so I keep going on and on. I have gone into debt helping my Mother and sister out and I’m spent. Bipolar disease took my sister and I fear she will never ever be able to live a somewhat normal life ever again 🙁
Jan, my daughter is 32 and has a beautiful 6 year old daughter. From my understanding Bipolar needs a trigger. She was a victim of a sexual attack when she was 14 which I believe was the first trigger. She has a degree (in the film industry) but got into heavy drugs in her final year which I feel exacerbated the disease . She has been off the drugs for a while now but she is not the same person and I really struggle with this. She is very kind to others and often will help those she perceives as less fortunate than she is, often at her own expense. She has worked on and off since graduating but never in the film industry. Most of these periods of work have been interrupted by long gaps in her CV resulting in her starting from the bottom every time she starts work. She also takes herself off her meds periodically and then has to start again.She got retrenched from a job she loved and went into a decline and had an 18 month pity party and not really looking for work with any conviction. I need to say that when she is working it really does wonders for her feeling of self worth.
I eventually kicked her out our home about 14 months ago with no job and nowhere to stay but her extreme personality and presence in our house has driven away my sons and her erratic behaviour was no good for her daughter. A friend of hers let her stay in their empty house and within a couple of months she had found a temping job which turned into a permanent position in July. I had been asking her to get back on her meds but it seems I just seem to push her buttons and, in her mind, I just want to control her.
She seems completely oblivious to what she has done to our family and my husband and I are left raising our granddaughter as well as our own children. She has no ‘normal’ response to most day to day expectations and will fly off the handle at any given moment. She also seems to think there is absolutely nothing wrong with abusing us and taking things from our home and the next minute expecting us to bail her out of situations she has landed herself in.
On the plus side she has finally seen the light and initiated returning to her doctor and medication. Now it is just a wait and see game as we wait for the medications to be stabilised. Also I truly believe that she should not be having sugar or any foods that make sugar as this seems to spike her disease and she seems to be affected by sugar highs and lows.
I guess what I am trying to say after my long ramble is … it was extremely difficult at the time and in the beginning I spent many nights crying myself to sleep because I had told her to leave our home. In the long run it was good for her to push her into self sufficiency of some degree and we felt like we could breath again. I became my granddaughters primary care giver and although it put a strain on us financially it also gave the little one a sense of stability that she did not get – she was always on edge, never sure if mom was going to be a wild playmate, fly off the handle at her or just sleep all day . She missed her mom but she understood that mom would visit and she also benefitted from a more calm environment. She started school today and we were so proud of this confident little girl owning her new school.
My daughter is exactly like yours. But mine keeps threatening to burn us out of my house. When you tell Drs. That she is really bad and they act like you should be nice To her there’s something wrong. She has 3 aggravated assault charges against her for domestic violence against her son and ex bf. I honestly believe he will. So much I sent a few txt out to friends in case something happens. The love is gone. I only love y grandson but watching him shadow her is scary as crap too. Does anyone have any idea who I contact? Would it do any good?
Boy, when I read all of your comments, I couldn’t believe it. I am in the very same boat presently. I have 3 kids, ages 29, 28 & 20 and all of them exhibit signs of Narcissism and Borderline Personality Disorder. Would you believe none of them are speaking to me right now because I am not voting for their choice of President? It is always something with all of them until they want money. My youngest daughter blew up at me 2 months ago because she didn’t like the Chinese restaurant I took her to for dinner; now this. At the same time, my Bipolar husband crashed today after days of being Hypomanic. I cannot find him tonight and who knows where he is. I am so tired of all of this crap. I just want some normalcy in my life. I am seriously considering divorcing my husband and just cutting off my ties with my kids permanently, and moving miles away to New England and starting over again. Any suggestions would be truly appreciated.
WOW, same boat here. It is my sister that is driving the family nuts. She is completely right in everythign she does, according to her, and all of us are out to get her and take her children away. She is completely crazy and we want to severe all ties with her. She is nuts and we do not know what to do, or who to call. It is just insane.
Anonymous–
Saying that your sister is “crazy” and “nuts” won’t make your family’s situation any better. You and other family members would be better off thinking of your sister as “ill.” Yes, the brain can become ill, and unfortunately, when it does, it can lead to all sorts of behaviors that make it extremely difficult to be around the person.
You have to keep in mind, however, that these are symptoms of an illness.
Assuming your sister is bipolar, she needs medical treatment, not to be ostracized by her own family. When a family member suffers an illness, it’s time for family members to step up and help. In the case of a mental illness, when your loved one is likely to resist getting the treatment she needs, it’s a whole lot more difficult, but it’s no less necessary.
Hi Joe, nice reply and I am sure it works in a perfect world. But living with loved ones who suffer from Bipolar can be hell. Sometimes, people have to look after their own emotional welfare/health/safety/sanity. All of the people above sound as if they have endured years of abuse and have tried to help and support their “ill” loved ones. Who has looked after them? Who has helped them? Sometimes, it is time to take a step back and look after yourself first. I have broken ties with 2 of my 4 brothers and for decades myself, my husband and our children have lived a relatively peaceful, happy life with little of the crazy drama that was a part of our lives before. My brothers in turn and their families have all continued to survive and even occasionally thrive, albeit a bit dysfunctional. I don’t regret my decision and as time passes, I become more convinced that it was the best decision I could have made.
So, Anonymous, just be sure you have carefully considered all the possible repercussions of your decision to break with your sister, including things like suicide, etc and be sure you can live with the consequences of your decision should the situation go badly. Good luck.
Yes, you are right. If someone has not lived with or indured the pain, hurt, financial mess a BP can cause a family then they can not judge a decision for a family wanting to walk away.
My daughter who is now 40 has destroyed her marriage, lost her children, gotten in jail, got dwi, and has put me in 23,000 dollars of debt where I signed for a home years ago. She decided she wanted to live there but she did not want to make payments. After struggling to make ends meet and pay her light, water, etc I ran bone dry of cash. The alternative was make her move and rent the home to pay the payment. I am on social security and my income is limited.
Before I made her move, she had already ran her husband off and then she made it impossible for her sons to live with her anymore. She became involved with a man that had a prison record and rap sheet a mile long. All she wanted was to stay drunk, fight with everyone, threaten and just be 100% mean.
When I made her move she began destroying the home. Busted walls, busted light fixtures, broken glass everywhere. She even took door knobs off the door. The landscape outside, she destroyed and then she took the guttering down and took it and sold it. This was it and now she has grand larceny charges on her. I had no choice. If I wanted to salvage any thing of the home I had to stop her. She had even shot through the heating system with a gun. She even killed her own son’s pet to be mean to him for turning in her boyfriend for threatening him with a gun.
Now she blames me for her loosing her home, loosing her kids, the dwi, the jail, the whole world is my fault. She says I am no longer her parent. She even made threats to me while she was in jail for 30 days in letters she sent me from jail.
She is a venomous person who I can not figure out anymore. I love her dearly but she has cost me in so many ways. She cleaned my bank account out and when there was no more money she turned on me. I even bought her her last car. It is like the world owes her, she does not think she has to work, she is man crazy, and does value the dollar at all.
I got to go to court with her and her boyfriend in Febuary because of the damage they did and because her boyfriend pulled a gun out on my grandson. After court, I am walking away from her. I know it is awful to say that but my own sanity is at stake here, She has lied on me, threatened me, called me all hours of the night, wrote nasty letters to me. Enough is enough.
I know how you feel. You have done all you can. I am a few steps behind you on the very same road. Stay strong.
I too have a similar story. God bless.
I have gone through the same thing. My sister is a mess. She texts me constantly that the world is so difficult. She does absolutely nothing and complains about that. I can’t take the complaining any longer. I have a daughter that is severely handicapped (for real), and I can’t listen to her complain any longer. I understand that she may have an illness, but at some point these people do not need touchy feely treatment but a good old fashioned boot in the ass.
Ok joe easy to say unless u live it and If u do ,you are a much better person than I . There is just amount of abuse a person can take and you get to the point where I just want normal. Maybe not even normal just livable . Are u a person who lives with this day in and day out ????
Mary Beth–
I lived with it day in and day out for several years. Fortunately, for us, medications, therapy, and lifestyle changes are working to keep the mania at bay, and my wife is very good about managing her illness. Now we have to deal with the mania only once or twice a year for a few weeks, if at all.
I don’t judge anyone for divorcing a spouse or turning away a loved one who refuses to help himself or herself, as long as that “anyone” has tried hard and failed. I do have a problem, however, with referring to people who are ill as “crazy” or “nuts” and writing them off.
Love requires some degree of sacrifice. Deciding what that degree is or where to draw the line is very difficult, and everyone’s situation is different, so I certainly can’t judge anyone, nor do I want to.
We also need to be careful about judging people who are too sick to know better, whose minds are incapable of rational thought. All we can do is define and enforce our boundaries and support our loved ones when we’re able to and they are willing and able to accept our support.
Sometimes, for their own self-preservation, people need to make very difficult decisions, including going so far as to break ties with a loved one. I’m fortunate that making such a decision hasn’t reached that point for me.
Thank you for your words of encouragement. My 20 year old done was just diagnosed with this terrible illness . I’m so sad that this happened to him and our family. It’s just so hard to deal with. He’s in college but that is short lived. In the last 11 months he has been hospitalized twice , one time for 44 days because it was hard for him to recover because he had been off his med unknowly for 3 months and using marijuana to self medicate himself. After the 44 day hospital stay he went back to school 1 month later. Now he is back to using weed and telling use that he is still taking his Meds. I feel guilty because I feel better when he is out of sight out of mind. In reality he needs to be here with me and his dad. He’s still our baby and he’s at such a disadvantage. Being BP is such a terrible illness, because its your mind. When you are not treated you are at such a disadvantage. My poor soon have a long life ahead of head and think that this is something he will have to endure for the rest of his life makes me sick to my stomach. Not to mention how this ordeal has ruptured our family. I’m scared. I just want my son back. I pray so hard to God to help us. Why did this happen to us.
Yes I too live with the extremes, and am worn out. This is a hard disease to live with, and deal with. Noone should feel guilty for having angry feelings toward the bipolar person, as it is very difficult to cope with. I do agree it is a disease, but that does not change the fact that it is a hard disease to live with when you are a loved one.
I could not aggree more. For the family, it is so hard to know what to do and when to stop allowing behaviors because that always seems to be when they need us most. My 18 yr old daughter just told us (after running away from home) that she is pregnant by a convicted felon 16 yrs older than her. I go from wanted to protect her and help her and getting her to the counselor to knowing she did this on purpose and stopped taking her pills because she wanted to trap him. Sometimes I wonder if this is how her whole life will be. I feel like if I don’t distance myself from her, the pain will just go on and on and on. She doesn’t take her meds, got pregnant on purpose with this creep, and what’s down the road for her? Only God knows.
You clearly have no idea what it is like. Illness? No – sociopathy. These people need to be medicated or cut off completely. End of story.
That behavior most assuredly IS crazy and it is furthermore dangerous. “Sick” is one thing, but it’s entirely something else when a person’s behavior is massively destructive and family is called upon to “be nice” only to watch another psycho label and more meds prescribed that do NO healing whatsoever. It seems to be a situation involving multiple crimes including medical fraud and quackery. If that behavior is a “brain illness”, no psycho shrink should be involved. A Neurologist should be caring for the “brain sick” patient. Meanwhile the patient should be in a care facility, NOT dumped on society OR family members because of the damage those “brain sick” patient do to their own families and all of society. Meanwhile the Police should be hunting down the sources of the “brain sickness” such as the dope dealers and other gutter level felons who were party to the destruction of a human life now being pasted up with — psycho labels.
“When a family member suffers an illness, it’s time for family members to step up and help…”
I am a family member who attempted to “step up and help,” and my sister made my life a living hell.
Not only would she not take her meds appropriately, she was verbally abusive to e and her children.
If she wasn’t sleeping all day(without bathing) she was raging at her children and me. Both of her children now cry easily, are clingy to anyone who shows the slightest amount of attention and are developing eating disorders. I finally had enough of the chaos she brought to my home and kicked her out, keeping the children who are aged seven and four with me in spite of the fact that I am a senior citizen and have disabilities. I am in pain most of the time, have zero social life and spend most of my money on her children in terms of food, clothing and children activities. My car needs servicing and repairs need to be done around the home but her children’s needs take most of it. She calls periodically to rage at my, blame me for her situation, yet doesn’t give me any of her public benefit dollars nor the use of her EBT card to purchase food. She has literally destroyed my retirement years and peace of mind. It seems to me that society(and you) expects for families to “step up” and care for their mentally ill loved ones in spite of the fact that it’s a detriment to the quality of their lives if they do. Sometimes, one has to say goodbye to their mentally ill loved ones if they want to have any type of quality of life.
I agree with the other joe. however, we all need to follow the last and certainly the most important step for all of us who are not ill. we need to set fair and reasonable, make our family members aware of thee limits and then stick to our guns. we must plan for all categories of crisis and have contingencies. would we be willing to take in a family member? a child? could we this person(s) to live in a homeless shelter. will we refuse to give any money whatsoever to a person who is using drugs? would we get a restraining order? You can love your kids, but you have to save your sanity. sometimes you just have to say no, mean it, and walk away. sometimes this helps and sometimes this makes things worse. consider your safety first, your peace of mind second, and the ill person third.
My 22 ye old went in for a psych eval and detox. 3 days later we found out she has paranoia, psychosis behavior, alcohol abuse and questionable bipolor disease. She sounds like all of the above. After 2 weeks of Seroquel 600 mg a day and Camphol, she decided she did not want the meds, the out patient rehab, the Psych or the councelor appointments. She is living with us, so my husband dismantled her car. She has no phone, (stolen), no job, no money and now no car. She’s out tonight and we probably wont see her the rest of the night. We’re waiting for another train wreck, because it’s probably coming soon. Then we’ll pray she wants the help and get back on the medications. In the meantime, I cry all the time and want to quit my stable job. I am depressed and barely coping. I also have faith that keeps me getting up and going to work. That HE will take care of her when she is out there doing whatever she does and will make it back home.
By the way, if she were to become violent, I would have no problem calling the police.
Sadness prevails.
first off, people with bipolar disorder should never use it as an excuse to manipulate, lie, steal or just plain take advantage of others. i do not know you, but i can tell you that being someone with Bipolar 1, my husband has never acknowledged it. He has just started to understand. But, he never put up with my crap. I chose to stay with him after years of failed relationships. I did not talk to my parents for 2 years. Stop giving in! kick them out and tell them to get help. They may hate you for a while but what else can you do? The grandchildren, now that’s another matter you need to address. I feel for you on that one. you are at your wits end. You probably will end up in the hospital from exhaustion. They are so taking advantage of you. I have suffered with Bipolar my whole life, my mother kicked me out when i was pregnant out of wedlock. It was the best thing she ever did for me. Scary i know but you have to or you will just keep letting them do what they want to you.
My ex-husband is Paranoid Schizophrenic also he is bi-polar, i have 2 daughters with him. I had such a horrible time with them as teens and at that time i did not understand what was really going on. I thought this was just them being teens.They were extremely manipulative ,lying, stealing causing havoc, telling people i am a mean horrible mother. I have also a 3rd child who has a different father. This 3rd child has a disability ,not mental,going through tough times with with her disability and feeling depressed about it at that time my 2 bi-polar teen daughters were being so chaotic they worsened the situation with their younger sister. Well years later down the road, i had many volatile situations with these 2 girls as adults. I ,yesterday had to call the police to have them removed from my house just as i had to do with their father. My middle daughter who is 21 who was temporarily staying with me for a visit, had started earlier that day acting aggressive ,i had asked her to stop acting that way because i could see she was starting to get out of control. I removed myself from this situation went to my room because she was having a party at my house for her 1 yr old son. I felt i could not handle her aggression anymore ,i was afraid of her so i hid in my room, well the party started and she could not handle the fact that i wanted to take cover from her , she exploded in front of all the guests and literally started attacking her 11 yr old sister her sister started screaming and running from her and my bi-polar daughter chased her 11 yr old sister into her room and just screaming at her ,my 11 yr old got away from her and ran into my room with me and locked my door. I went out of my room and asked for everyone to please just leave. My 2 bi-polar daughters went out of control grabbing me ,so i told them if they do not leave i will call the police ,well they would not leave so i called the police and had to have them removed , this was truly hard on me ,i am their mother. I am truly at my wits end, i hate to say this but i feel relieved having those 2 gone. I have to honestly say i rather not have my youngest ever see that again. I also am in fear of my safety from them. I actually am so frightened ,i am looking into moving away. I am going to see about some type of support group so i maybe can find a way to help my youngest out after all she has witnessed. What i have noticed is the peace that is in my house when my 2 bi-polar daughters are not around. I know this sounds so mean since i gave birth to those 2 ,but you get to a point you cant take it anymore i feel like they are making me crazy, just how i felt when i was with their mentally ill father. Their father was extremely violent ,i ended up in a battered woman shelter.Honestly ,i want peace in my life. Please do not think that i am blaming people with a mental illness, i understand it is an illness but dealing with non medicated bi-polar daughters is literally making me ill and their 11 yr old sister miserable.
I came across this blog through a key word search- and reading these stories is like looking in a mirror. My sister has been terrorizing our family for years in these ways, and we just don’t know what to do anymore. She’s destroyed our family. She knows how to play on our protective impulses, so that my parents will do things to protect me from her and I will do things to protect them from her. Then she had a son, and we all adore him. But she is not above using him as a tool to punish us if we don’t want to give her money or put up with her endless harangues about how awful we all are. She’s jealous that we put her son’s needs above hers sometimes, which is just sad. There has to be some other way- my life is supposed to be about me, not someone else. I understand that a lot of these behaviors are caused by her disorder, but it still seems like coddling her and putting her first has made everything so much worse. I’ve considered seeing if she would be willing to do family therapy with me so we can try to establish more normal boundaries. I’d be interested in hearing if anyone has tried this with a bipolar family member before, and if it was helpful.
I’m hearing all these stories and feel your pain. My 24 year old bi-polar daughter has destroyed me family life. She has told lies to my family and alienated me from my mother and other family members. She is so selfish and self centered and does not care that the lies she has told caused me, along with her 11&12 yr old siblings to be kicked out of our home. ( I financed a home in my mthers name. She told my mother that I was on drugs. My mother kicked us out and tried to take my children) of coarse she couldn’t . Because it wasn’t true) but now my mother and I haven’t spoken in years. And there is more but I’m sure you all know how it goes. I was so angry for a long time.
My other children and I have become very close. unfortunately their narcissistic sister has not seen the light. We love her from a distance. A safe distance.
OMG…it is great to know I am no alone out there but yet I feel so alone!! I have a son from a previous marriage. His father became extremely mentally ill…OCD, Paranoia, BiPolar etc. It became unbareable to live with him. The guilt of leaving nearly destroyed me but eventually I knew it was the best thing I could have ever done for my family. Now….12 yrs. later I am very happily remarried and have a daughter with my current hubby. Well, I feel like history is now repeating itself because my 14 yr old son is Bipolar and is tearing my family apart. I have been trying everything….medication…inpatient therapy…outpatient day treatment therapy and yet my world is collapsing day by day. My husband, who is the man of my dreams and treats me like gold and my son who has so many issues do not get along at all anymore. My husband, like many men feels that a child needs to listen to their parents and do as they are told as I too have that same thought process. BUT….my son, no matter what we do is constantly unhappy, irritated, verbally abusive, ungreatful and he treats me the worst of everyone in the family, is literally breaking my spirt, my health, my life. I do love him but I hate what this is doing to all of us. I am at my witts end. He wants to move out and live with relatives on his bio-dad’s side. Honestly that is the last place I want him to go but I am now at the point that I am honestly considering it. I know that must be so wrong of me..what kind of mother would do that… but I just want to be happy and healthy and enjoy the rest of my life. The stress of him is killing me. All I hear from my son is how he hates my current husband. My husband is also at his witts end as well and just doesn’t know how to deal with it either. We are only human too but where do I turn next???? I AM SO LOST!!!!! I NEED HELP. One minute his wants to leave the next he is begging to stay…this is how he does everything with me….hot then cold…yes than no….OMG it is the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through. Well, that is it in a very small nut shell. I can actually go on an on but why??? It is just more of the same over and over. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated… Thanks for listening.
I can totally relate to all the stories written above, I have a 24 year old bipolar daughter that is driving me nuts….very manipulative and narcistic and personality disorder to boot….she is destroying our family, but if I kick her out she will be literally homeless as she is unable to keep friends due to her erratic behavior and nobody is willing to take her in. I’m at the point where I want to move out just to get away from her…..so that I can have peace in my life…
Get away from her. My daughter has lied manipulated and stole from me. She is 69 and has been very mean to me since she was a teenager. She has nearly driven me crazy. The doctor told me to get away from her which I have done and believe me it’s been a wonderful relief. I don’t feel guilty, just wonderfully relieved.
These stories are all in line with my family – my sister is a 27 year old bipolar-alcoholic. She acts similar to the worst of the worst of the bipolars described above and has destroyed my otherwise happy family time and time again. Right now, I am preparing to go to court against the state because during an early morning manic episode she called the police and said I had assaulted her (I am her brother). She had them take photos of old bruises and bumps on her and said I gave her a bloody nose and all of these things which never happened. The next day, she decides it didn’t happen that way and tries to drop all charges but the state picked them up. Now, no matter how hard she pleads and tries to convince them, I have to hire an attorney (500-1000 dollars) to represent me in court. If I lose, I could be facing up to ten years in prison and have to pay her 2500$ for something that I didn’t do. This is just too far. I was paraded out of my front door in handcuffs in front of my entire neighborhood. She blamed me for all of her life problems and said she never wants to see me again etc. She called the cops on my father 3 months ago because he refused to GIVE her his car and she said he verbally abused her (luckily, the cops didn’t buy that one). Before that, there were at least 3 similar instances of her calling the cops and saying me, my mother, or my father are doing something to her, but the cops didn’t buy it until this time.
The thing is that my mother always protects her NO MATTER WHAT! No matter how much trouble she causes, pain she creates, and relationships she destroys, my mother refuses to let her enter the real world. My sister is 27 and has not held a job since age 22. My mother has supported her completely since age 14-15. She fought her tooth and nail to get her to go to high school every morning and my sister barely graduated. Then, she bought her an apartment in Atlanta and paid for it for 2 years. She gave my sister a minivan, and my sister hit another man getting a DUI (the guy was REALLY nice and decided not to press charges). After that, my sister came back home to live and after again realizing that my sister simply cannot peacefully live with us, she bought her a condominium. My sister lived in the condo for a few more months (without working or contributing, of course) before things exploded there with her alcoholic boyfriend. She called me at 4AM that she was going to kill herself so I go and get her and had to FIGHT this drunk prison-break guy to get him to leave the condo. Again, instead of making her face reality, my mom AGAIN brought her home where we get cussed out daily, put down, etc. She just sleeps all day, then wakes up to go on a rage, and if you say anything to her, it’s your fault and all her life problems are caused by you. She’s even chased my friend with a knife for knocking on the door at the wrong time (apparently, 4PM is too early in the morning to wake her up). Just the nastiest person anyone can imagine.
I know alot of people here are thinking about “severing ties” but this isn’t even a consideration for me, it’s done. I love my sister and she can be as depressed and unhappy and woe-is-me as she wants, but this is just too much. Every time I am close to her, no matter what, something bad happens to me as a result of her. And it’s not just me, every person she is near and every relationship she constructs goes down like a burning bridge in the worst possible way. Luckily, my father has also had enough of her crap. This time, he has told her she is going to a woman’s shelter and that she is not living in his home again. Of course my mom is protecting my sister and lets my sister get away with murder because of her bipolar, but my dad and I don’t buy it anymore. I can’t take this crazy stuff. I am seriously considering moving from DC to to California or Hawaii or something just so I can be as far away as possible from her and her destruction.
I just sincerely ask to all of the protective mothers out there: please consider the life of your other children. If you are considering kicking out your bipolar daughter/son and can’t bring yourself to do it, please consider the lives of your other children. They don’t deserve this lifestyle and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Wow…Alex your story resonated with me. My sister is 31 and driving me nuts. I now avoid her as much as possible, and will probably do so for the future.
I’ve been lulled into thinking she’s ok when she’s stable, but I need to remember she is mentally ill. I don’t even tell her where I work, or where I’ll be going. I don’t have facebook or add her to any social media. She’s been known to defame and slander when manic. She’s called the cops on multiple ppl who have tried to help her and bascially takes everyone “down” with her.
Sigh, if you ever go to Hawaii, let me know lol
If you want to chat email me at anon girl . 03 @ gmail
OK, I see I’m not alone. I am truly so physically and mentally worn from dealing with two family members with mental illness that I can’t even read these posts. I did scan them and perhaps tomorrow I will be up to reading them. I have always tried to be a compassionate person, but it’s never enough. I feel my life is not my own anymore and I’m having a mental breakdown from trying to deal with it every day. Does anyone understand me?
Oh yes! Don’t give up. You MUST take time and effort to look after yourself and protect yourself too.
I have managed to get to a place where the worst is behind me and I am stronger than ever.
Read up on the subject and find someone to talk to. Take time away to recharge your batteries. 🙂
We have but only one life and hopefully we will choose happiness because life is so short. I am a mother of a 17 year old bipolar teen and after so many tears from lies, manipulations, dreams destroyed and constant worry as well as shame. I came to a conclusion that as much as I want too heal or fix this beautiful child of mine it is not in my capability to do so. She is a seperate person from me and individual who has her own road to travel, her own mistakes to learn from, her own crosses to bare and her own life to live.
I am there for her to a certain degree as a parent but have learned I can only be there for her if she allows me, not because I am desperate and want to help.I am there to parent her but know that i can only parent her if she allows me too.This si a battle I have fought and now know I can not win because there is no winner in this mess.
I no longer allow her to rule my life, to cripple me with endless tears, too suck the joy of life from my being and attempt to bring chaos to all those around her. I have watched myself in the past be so focused on her issues that i have pushed my other 2 beautiful daughters aside at times, which was simply unfair. I now no longer succumb to the squeaky wheel gets the oil and realise there is more to my own life then this disease and that is what I choose to invest myself in as they are much greater joys and rewards, making my life a life worth living.
This may sound selfish but like a person with cancer you can’t take it away , you can’t taske the chemo you can only offer empathy and thats about it.
Bravo, Jacquie! You are right on target! I have a 28 year old daughter with borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. The stories you and all the others have shared are exactly what I have experienced with the addition that she had 2 beautiful little boys whom she abused and did not care for. I called children’s services and the boys are now removed from her and my younger daughter and her husband now have custody of both boys and they are thriving. I have spent thoysands of dollars and hours of my time trying to help her. I now realize that I can only help her if she wants help. While she luved with me I became so ill I could not even help myself. Sadly, I realized she did not want help. I made her move out. She now lives with her father and is doing the same things to him. She is pregnant with a married man’s baby. I refuse to give her anything and told her to give the baby up for adoption. As you stated so eloquently, I have three other daughters, two son in laws and 6 beautiful grandchildren that I choose to give my attention! They want it, and bring me much joy! I choose joy and happiness over misery. When she decides she needs help and actively goes after it, goes to therapy, takes her meds as prescribed , and follows through with psychiatric recommendations, will I cautiously become involved in her life. I love her very much , but in this case, love myst be tough!
You are lucky Gabby, because you have another daughter that is responsible and can take custody of your bipolar daugther’s sons and care for them properly. I have only one daughter and she has a son, my grandson that is only 3 1/2 years old. My daughter is 37 yrs old and she is not only bipolar but a former addict to heavy drugs. She reformed a bit when she had her son, but after a failed back surgery, she is back to the addiction, but this time its to her pain medications. Her and my grandson moved in with me about 2 yrs ago after separating from her alcoholic spouse that abused her. Its been a nightmare ever since for me in every area of my life, but most especially financial. She becomes like a possessed person when she demands money from me to buy her street drugs cause she’s only getting so much from her doctor, the prescribed narcotics and her doctor won’t give more since its a controlled substance. She has cussed, screamed at me, sometimes for barely no reason, has broken things in my house, bangs doors, threatens to kill herself, punching walls in front of her son, etc. you name it. I tried to kick her out of the house as I can’t take it anymore, its been years I’m being abused, and also like a slave to her, doing all her Mommy duties cause she can’t due to her debilitating back pain and she is bedridden a lot. I even have to pick up after her like a teenager cause she is a slob, using her pain as an excuse not to clean up her and her son’s room. She barely helps with house chores either, and same excuse. She can’t work, is on welfare but contributes nothing to the household expenses or needs of her son, cause everything she gets she spends on street drugs. She would blow up at times out of the blue, for reasons as simple as me turning on the cartoons for my grandson, which is weird. It got out of hand one time I told her to get out and leave my grandson and that I could take care of him, but that I can’t handle her and she has to go. She freaked and said she is not going anywhere without her son. I know she would end up either in a shelter or the streets, but the way she is, I know my grandson will get neglected and abused. I almost called the police at one point cause she was causing so much commotion throwing things around and smashed the wireless phone. Today she broke the shower door, and was cussing at 6 am, outside our front door for the whole neighborhood to hear. She smokes like a chimney too, and even that I have to pay for cause she said she’d go in withdrawal without it and will get worse. I feel trapped and hostaged because of my grandson. I am forced to put up with her for my grandson’s sake. She can’t even take care of him and at times screams at him too for no good reason. I’ve been wanting to call child protective services but I’m sure she will lash and retaliate at me if she finds out, and I also do not want my grandson to go to foster home. I am in a bind because I am also not sure how long I can take care of my grandson alone if I end up getting full custody, as I am also getting older and rather shaky finance wise cause my husband is also ill in a nursing home which costs a lot. I wish I had another daughter like you that is responsible and can take in her bipolar sister’s son so he can thrive. The father is useless, and the father’s family made it clear that they cannot take care of my grandson, save contribute now and them to his needs financially, but its not enough. This monster daughter of mine is ruining my health, my finance, destroying my house etc. and she’s like a leech and a vampire. I don’t really know what to do at this time. Sorry this got too long. I guess I’m just venting. Thanks for listening.
Please check out Dr. Abram Hoffer’s approach to curing mental illness. I have a daughter who was diagnosed bipolar ll 4.5 years ago and it’s been a nightmare of a life until I tried this simple solution. Perhaps it will help you.
Thank you all, I just came out of a mental clinic on Sunday, and I am diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, and borderline Bi-Polar.
You all have said enormous things to shed some light on what my husband must be feeling with me. He too must be thinking of severing ties with me, but yet he is still there. Day after Day trying to take care of me and being the primary care taker of our daughter because I just can’t seem to handle it. I left my job because I couldn’t handle the stress, and nearly committed suicide (attempt unsuccessful) because of my own dysfunction.
For all of you who deal with people like me…Thank you for being there for your own…and I am truly sorry that our behavior can lead you to be in the same boat as we are in.
You are special people who are gifted and talented to be able to handle our disorders. I don’t think I am as severe as the others in this story but trying to commit suicide puts you at the end.
Now, I see the light and I am going to work hard. I think instead of reading about people with my disorders I should do just this, read about the people who have to deal with the family member with the disorder.
I’m so relieved to find all these posts!!
After yet another long, drawn out, chaotic battle today, I typed these words into Google search:
“Bipolar daughter is making me crazy” and found all of these posts describing EXACTLY what
my husband and I have been going through with both my daughter ( bipolar, OCD ) and her
husband(narcissistic, aggressive, verbally abusive )..
The combination of the two leaves us reeling with exhaustion and stress..they feed off each
other and support each other almost in perfect union.
They can tear at you until you just have to crawl into a room and shut the door, locking it
behind you..
To everyone here, the love will never go away for your children, you know this, but for your
own self-preservation it DOES become necessary to distance yourself from the crazy chaos..
You cannot allow yourself to be beat down, you wouldn’t allow it from any stranger and
nothing says you must continually endure it for the love of your child..
Refuse to see them until they seek proper treatment and stay on their meds..MAKE them
remember what it is they love about you by your absence and use those memories to
guide them to take proper control of their behaviour!!
Oh, and never expect “help” from those who stand outside the walls looking “in” they do not see or
experience what you do, find support groups for
YOU that lift YOU up and above the pain, abuse
emotional detachment and stress..Yes, it is a constant battle to keep yourself from “believing”
that you really are as worthless as they can make you feel…and you can still love them from a distance with boundaries firmly in place..
joe- ur an ass! Jane i am right behind you. I have a 16 yr old who has been bipolar for many years. she has been diagnosed for 2 years after YEARS of trying to get help. she has abused me phsycially, verbally, mentally, emotionally.she has lied, manipulated, stoeln, abused drugs, she is EXTREMELY narcissistic! EVERYTHING IS ABOUT HER. the worst is not on;y has she destroyed me, she is ruining her younger sister. she is very co dependent and it is so unhealthy. she is in her own reality. she refuses meds, refuses psychiatrists. she likes to self medicate when she is not at home. there are no ways to set bounds with her. she walks over them. i love her and im always every day hoping that today will be that day things will get better. she has been arrested… u name it its happened. sex, drugs, arrests, alcohol, she has hit me, broken windows, she has been with issues since she was 6 years old. but she is to the point i can not take ANY MORE. i dont know what to do. she has 16 months until she is 18 and at that point im telling her she is on her own. she is only nice when she wants something. she is lazy, rude, rididculous and she makes up her own reality. she is all drama. my 12 year old is not doing so well now. and she has convinced my 12 yr old recently that she has a horrible life and that she needs to move somewhere with her!! last night was the end of what i can do . i literally sat on my floor shaking and crying and completely lost and empty. she reduced me to tears. she has destroyed me. literally. i dont think ANYONE deserves this. i love my daughter but i dont think i should be expected to live like this.
oh shoot and to add : my daughter is bipolar type 1, ODD, ADD, ADHD, 2 anxiety disorders, an anger disorder, a panic disorder. the only med she will take is xanax and i cant even get her to go to see her medical dr regularly to stay on it!
Hey friends I know what you are talking about and I know how you feel. My daughter is 37 and has Bi Polar and has just about destroyed our small little family. She has a daughter 17 and a son 8. They have lived with us most of their lives and my grandaughter either has Bi Polar also or her mother has driven her mad. My husband and I moved 387 miles away from her to try to get some peace, and we had to go get our grandson he stayed with her 6 weeks and missed 11 days of school. It is so hard on the kids no one knows unless they have been there. I have found that BP are miserable and want to make their families as miserable as they are, I think this is why they want to live with us and trash our homes and break us financially. They would’t care if we became homeless. Sometimes I wonder what did I do so wrong to have a child like this.
I say the same thing. What did we do to deserve this. It’s like living each day in fear. What’s next. My son is only 20 and we just started this 11 months ago and it’s been hell . 2 hospital stays one of which was 44 days. Marijuana use, stealing from us, mean and rude. I am so scared of what’s to come. Only want the eat for my son. I truly believe if he stays medicated Andrade the weed only he can live a happy life. He has a very supportive family, but he’s not doing his part . He’s away a school now, but next quarter he is coming home to go to college locally. I’m so scared. But I know this is where he should be. This is new for him as well as us. But the weed use must stop if we are going to be one the success stories.
Wow, everyone’s posts have finally made me feel like I am not alone on this. If only I had someone to talk to about it on a daily basis and if only my mom understood how i feel. I am 21 and my sister is 23, life with her has been a living hell. I am not quite sure if she is bi polar, she has a lot of the same symptoms so I believe she is. My mom on the other hand refuses to think she is bi polar, she says she just has a chemical imbalance(which I think is very similar to bi polar) which she believes was caused by the divorce of my parents which was when I was 1 and she was 3. When I was very little my sister would call me names and beat me up. When my sister was in high school the beating me up turned into chasing me and my mom around the house with a knife threatening to kill us. So many nights I have locked myself in my room praying that my sister wont bust the door down and kill me or my mom. So many times I have seen my sister beat my mom and I have had to try everything in my power to get her to stop. When I was younger and it happened I was too small to do anything back and now luckily I am big enough(although she is still a lot bigger than me) to defend myself, but my mom on the other hand is weak and cannot. I am sick of seeing my mom with bruises all over her body because of my sister, my mom divorced my father because he was abusive to her and now she takes it from my sister. My sister tells me all the time that her “goal in life is to kill me and make my life hell”. I go to college out of state so the only contact we have is by phone but after everything in my life she has done to me I have no desire at all to answer her calls or respond to her texts. When I leave for school she tells me she misses me and my mom tells me that my sister tells her she wants me to talk to her but I have tried to let her in my life over and over again and it just always ends up biting me in the butt. She will never stop her antics at trying to ruin my life (if we start to get on better terms the second she gets angry about something she takes it out on me like always). My mom on the other hand gets very upset with me that I won’t try to talk to her. I don’t understand how she could try so hard with my sister. I am just so tired and sad because of her I cant deal with her. And now it is also ruining my relationship with my mom because we have different views on how she should be handled. My mom tells me I am selfish because I don’t respond to my sister when she calls and I don’t try to talk to her when I see her. Am I selfish for this? I am going to school to be a nurse and I really enjoy taking care of people- I’ve been told I have great patience with people, but I can’t find it in my heart to have patience with my sister anymore. She has hurt me so much =( I wish my mom would understand and stop getting upset with me about it.
This is amazing for me. I’m not alone. I have a 25 year old bipolar2 daughter and it is absolutely crazy making. To boot, I have just been diagnosed with diabetes, and the stress effects my blood sugar. It is near impossible to find people that understand the struggles yet here you are. I too am going crazy and enjoy being without my daughter most times, sad to say. The topics are so similar I will not write them out. There are all there. Our doctor said she should calm down by the age of 30, Have any of you heard that?
Thanks all for sharing. I’m not alone in this and that does feel better. My family and freinds don’t understand the seriousness of the situation. I don’t really see any of them anymore. It just depresses me.
Hi, my name is Sharon and I live in Perth, Western Australia. I have two children with Bipolar Disorder, a daughter now 18 diagnosed eventually at 14 after showing signs at onset of puberty at 11 yrs and after a long long battle trying to get psychiatrists to listen. I could see in my son at 11 yrs also that something wasn’t right in the way he behaved and responded to things, so when he was 12 yrs old, we took him to the same psychiatrist. However, after 2 years of being with her and the psych thinking he had ADD, he had a total manic episode and was impossible to live with and she finally diagnosed him as having bipolar/borderline personality disorder. I firmly believe that a lot of kids are being missed with this diagnosed until it becomes catastrophic to live with and am glad at such a young age your son Angela has at least been able to get the help these kids so badly need. However, the help for parents and the understanding from friends, family, and the community is not there not anywhere that I can see and so we turn to the Internet to reach out to each other as it is a VERY LONELY road. Thank you ladies for sharing your stories. Hopefully together we can build our own community and reach out and help each other.
Hello,
I know this may sound weird… but I found some comfort in reading your stories. My sister has put our small family of three in crisis over the last month. I am her brother, 28, and she is 26. My sister has never exhibited any psychological problems to cause my mother and I to worry beyond… well a normal mood swing. My sister suffered a back injury about 8 months ago… herniated disk. Her pain recently was so bad that a doctor prescribed cymbalta (anti-depressant) to subdue nerve pain. After a month… she had a psychological breakdown. She became violent and started smashing the bathroom… mirrors, glass, anything she could get her hands on. The cops came and took her away. There was so much blood on the bathroom it looked like someone was murdered. Since then life has been upside down. In and out of hospitals… talking with police.
While she was in the psych ward… about a month ago… they wanted her to take serequel because they thought she could be bipolar. She refused and was able to talk her way out of the psych ward. She has a college degree and is very smart. At home she continues to be extremely volatile and blows up at everyone. She cycles through people almost daily and plans to move out of my mother’s house. Growing up we were always best of friends… I’d do anything for her. She has not gotten violent with me since we were like 12. Over the past 3 weeks she’s tried to hit me in the face 3 times. When I asked her how can you justify hitting me… she says, “you fucking deserve it… and I was able to only get you one time. You are hard to get!” Then she laughs. She’s told my mom, “I wish you a speedy death… die you whore cunt bitch.” I’m pulling as many strings as possible to get her into treatment and she is supposed to start tomorrow. In the meantime… she is destroying the family. I just want her out of the house.
Thanks for all your stories… seeing I’m not the only one going through this gives me hope that life will go on. Good Luck.
WOW…It feels good to know that others are at their wits end too. MY TURN TO VENT! I am the mother of a 16 year old daughter diagnosed with bipolar illness and ADHD; with borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic traits that have pretty much destroyed my family. Having been raised by a mother who was undiagnosed with bipolar, I know better than anybody what chaos can come to a household. I grew up watching my mother manipulate people with her depression; turn into a raging maniac that beat my brother; cuss, yell and scream at my father until he would loose it and beat her, attempt suicide, then act like the perfect “Leave it to Beaver” mother. Luckily my older brother got me out of the house and away from the mess as often as he could. Unfortunately he was 9 years older than me and exposed me to drugs and alcohol by the age of 10. I was a wild child to say the least and looking back it all makes sense.
When my daughter was diagnosed at the age of twelve I cried my eyes out because I knew what she and everyone else was in for and it’s harder than hell to deal with it all while choosing not to escape using drugs and alcohol anymore. I’ve been to the meetings both with and without my daughter but they don’t really do much for me. I tend not to hyper focus on something I cannot change. Does me no good to sit and listen to what other people are going through when I don’t want to be going through it myself. Instead I go kayaking, walk a trail, meet a friend, see a play, dance, whatever I can think of to take the focus off all the bipolar bullshit because that’s what helps me, not going to some meeting and hearing about it even more! I need a fucking escape from it! Since my brother was beaten as a child he thinks that all my daughter needs is a good ass whooping because “that’s what straightened him out as a child”(thank goodness he has no children of his own). The grandparents thought she needed more activities, herbal meds, and diet changes (which we tried all of them). Then my husband – being the mush melon that he is, listening to everyone else’s advice – decides to leave it all up to me. Not only does my daughter loose friends and family ties, I do too because I’m of course to blame or made to look like the evil one from the lies she’s told.
My daughter has slept with my best friend’s 25 year old son at the age of 15, has been wreckless with friends, almost drown in a river over at my brother’s house because she ran off without telling anybody, caused all kinds of drama in the house and at school, told her friends that her father and I burnt her and beat her with pots and pans, would throw tantrums and lie to avoid punishment to the point of cutting, stabbing, bruising herself or overdosing. AND even though she’s been on meds for 4 years now she still doesn’t care how wreckless she lives because she has the attitude she’s going to die anyway. Tell a bipolar person smoking is harmful and causes cancer…THEY DON’T GIVE A FUCK! There seems to be no stopping this train wreck of an illness. Needless to say I’ve lost my best friend, my brother has moved away and doesn’t want anything to do with her, her brothers think she is crazy, spoiled, not disciplined enough, etc etc etc, drama, drama, drama and I’m now divorced on top of everything else.
Yet, I’ve done more for this girl, stood by her, got her involved in sports, art, horse therapy, volunteer work, kayaking on and on and on. I’ve had her in counseling ever since she was little at her first sign of behavior problems – cognitive, DBT, group, and family individual.
She’s been in and out of the hospital several times. It took a total of 3 years to get her on some sort of medicine that half ass worked and had to put up with all the changes of her personality from the MEDS along the way. Oh but the doctors will never admit to that…”There’s no record of that medicine causing a side effect like that”…BULLSHIT. Some of the meds she’s been on have had such bad side effects it really makes you realize just how much their brain chemistry is restructured. The only medicine that works is Lithium and that has basically shut down her emotions. Now I have a daughter that is emotionless, edgy, anxious going through life without any thought, almost robotic. I can’t reach out and give her hugs anymore because she doesn’t want to be close to anybody. Positives: it’s the only medicine that has stopped the long depressions, hospital stays, cutting and suicide attempts. Now I deal with hypo-mania and mania most of the time. She stays up for nights at a time, refuses her sleep meds, is negative, argumentative and bickers about stuff constantly. I just want to rip my fucking head off from listening to her sometimes. I’m the complete opposite – positive, happy, easy going. Oh and let’s talk about the psychiatrists and counselors for a second. I’m sure many of you have been interrogated by them with their perception of your “bad” parenting skills, especially when your loved one goes into the hospital. FUCK EM! Took me a while to say that but what they see in the hospital is not what your child is actually like all the time. Your child is at their worst in the hospital. I know I’m a damn good mother and am personally tired of all the shit I’ve had to endure as a caregiver by them. Don’t get me wrong, they’re needed, I just don’t put up with any shit from them anymore and dropped quite a few to find the good ones. People that preach to us on what to do – who have never lived with it – DON’T HAVE A CLUE and shouldn’t be giving advice. The one person who has helped me the most is David Oliver. He taught me the importance of finding a good doctor and getting rid of the ones you don’t like ASAP. It sure makes a difference. Don’t settle for anything but the best when it comes to your loved one’s health. David’s mother is bipolar and he has several CD’s, etc. to help people. Look him up on the net, he’s helped me educate some of my family members about the illness.
It’s difficult for me right now; going through a divorce, family moving out of state, trying to maintain a full time job…I get no help from anybody. I’ve lost everything…house, horses, family and my daughter to this fucking illness!!! I hate it. I’m tired of dealing with it and I wish I didn’t have to anymore to the point where I’ve considered taking my own life(just a thought no action intended). I’m only 43 and my health is deteriorating from my RA so I have to start taking care of myself. My daughter’s counseling appts. are no longer first! All I can say is thank goodness for my friends, my hiking and kayaking group which keeps me sane, my sense of adventure and love for life.
Without good caregivers where would they be? I know a lot of you on here are just as exhausted and fed up as I am. Take care of yourselves. take a bubble bath, write some poetry, scream, take a walk in the woods, sit by a pond or lake, CALL THE COPS…do whatever you need to. REFUSE TO GIVE INTO THIS BLOOD SUCKING ILLNESS AND LET IT CONTROL YOUR LIFE. And if it makes you feel better…call them a crazy mother fucker (just don’t ever say it to their face)! Keep keepin on as I always say! If anyone wants to email me at dawnql@hotmail.com go for it!
Pardon my french in this message, but when I need to vent I tell it like I feel it. No use to candy coat anything. I feel better already 🙂
Hi Dawn. Hope things have gotten better for you. I read your VERY POWERFUL story, and am very touched. I am a mother of a grown daughter, who has not been diagnosed. Maby Bipolar? Ive been on the computer trying to coonect with mothers who are living my nightmare! if you dont reply, i will understnd. Sincerely, Julie.
I know this seems odd but I am extremely grateful to have found this site. I am at my wits end and have been for some time. I have spent since 2004 pretending that my wife is just a mean person who only cares about herself and I can help her see her ways and rub off on her and be a good person…..WRONG! She is self-centered, selfish, violent, moody, very negative, throws tantrums, verbally abuses the family but seems to somehow twist and mamipulate this to make herself look like a martyr.
She goes into her AF job and is a model citizen, then comes home and treats us like crap. We can be just fine and then BAM…..she gets mad for some reason,……every night, every day….we know it is going to happen but just don’t know when.
She has beat the crap out of me several times, belittes me when I have an awesome job, friends, excellent education, and a GOD. She hates all of them and riducules me for having any of those things but no one would ever now it.
I have covered for her for years, only called the police once when she punched me in the face while holding my 6mth old daughter in my arms. She then proceeded to drive over the neighbors yard with my child and I had no choice. When the police finally caught up with her and brought her back she threatened them as well. They asked if I wanted to press charges and I said no cause it would hurt her military career.
Well, 7 years later……she beat the crap out of me before leaving to Afghanistan, locked up all our money in her name and emails me after 5 mths there to tell me she wants a divorce cause I sent her mom home……funny thing is ….she emailed me to send her home and her mom asked to go home.
She left me with three children to care for (20mths, 5 years, and 12 years old) and I have to pay all the bills…..crap for support. While we support her military career, she is treating us like crap. For years I have protected her career and sacrificed mine for hers to support her and she treats us like dirt. She only cares about herself.
She told me she does not have a heart….and she does not know how to love. She has put a pistol to her head and threatened to kill herself….after I took off one night just driving around cause I could not take it anymore. Everyone thought I was gonna hurt myself but I needed a breather…..when I go back she asked if I wanted to have sex, when I said not she stuck a gun to her head (no clip in it though).
She has been lying like crazy to everyone….I have busted her several times. It is just getting worse. There is so much more I would need days to explain it all. The strangest stuff is when she gets caught lying she literally does not speak for about ten seconds and then starts another subject like the prior never happened….it is the oddest thing…..
Can anyone help me sort this stuff out….I feel like I am living in LaLa Land.
Hi, Gabriel–
I’m sorry to hear what you and your family are going through. Nobody can offer a diagnosis online, but from your description, it certainly sounds as though your wife is suffering from some sort of mental trauma and needs professional help.
My guess is that you wife’s behavior is uncharacteristic of what it was early in your relationship, meaning something must be at the root of this dramatic change in personality/behavior — something she’s probably not in control of.
I know you want to protect your wife in terms of her career, but I’m not sure that is doing her any favors. If she is experiencing a major psychiatric break, that’s not your wife you’re dealing with — it’s an illness that your entire family, especially your wife, has fallen victim to.
Remember, it’s not your wife but the illness that’s the enemy here. First and foremost, protect yourself and your children. Perhaps you can consult with a therapist or psychiatrist on your own who can assist you in getting help for your wife, if she is ill, or in sorting out what’s really going on.
Ten years ago, I felt just like you did… feeling like I was living an incomprehensible nightmare, at my wit’s end, completely discombobulated. Like you, I left the house late one night and just drove around. Since then, I’ve seen others with the same “deer in the headlights” look on their face. Life has gotten much better for us since then. I have gotten my wife back, she has gotten herself back, and our children have gotten their mother back. Maybe you’ll find some hope in that.
Wishing you and your family all the best.
Hi all,
I was just wondering if anyone could give me any feedback on my sixteen year old sister. Today is her sweet sixteen, and let’s just say that she woke me up at 6:45 AM already having a screaming argument with my mother, accusing her of not wishing her a happy birthday, which my mother did first thing. This followed by a lapse of hysterical crying and an afternoon where she disappeared after school. She didnt open any of her presents, claimed she didnt want them, cake, or to go out to dinner. This has been going on since Christmas, where she left her presents unopened for almost two weeks. She did the same on Easter, and again on her confirmation, where she left her present on the counter for so long my mom had to put it outside of her door. When she was younger, it was almost like she had a seperate personality which we called “CLEM”, and it was like nothing i had ever seen before. There was no reasoning with her, and a lot of times there were no tears. Just viscious snapping and glaring and just plain mean. Then she would miraculously snap out of it. The second personality seemed to disappear as she got older, or maybe I stopped paying attention as I started to drive, graduated HS, and then began college, but now it is back in full force. She barely speaks. When she walks, she stomps around the house as hard as she can. She tells my mother she is a horrible mother. She doesnt eat dinner anymore. My grandmother basically moved out because she was such a psycho and hit my grandmother when she got worked up. I wore a shirt once with her permission and she didn’t talk to me for 5 months. When she does talk, it’s close to a whisper, like she can’t even form the words and she hangs her head and looks sideways at you. Most of the time, you could literally talk to her and she will walk right by you as if you said nothing at all. She is quick to fly off the handle at anything and everything. My poor mother tries endlessly to please her, driving her 5/6 hours for competitive cheerleading competitions, organizing and driving her friends everywhere and anywhere they want to be. My sister won’t even ask my mom for rides places unless she is the absolute last resort. However, with her friends, she is peppy – almost annoying. When she snaps out of it, she is so happy it is almost weird and obnoxious. These don’t last long (maybe a day) and are few and far between (once a month) and the rest of the time she is her other self. Most of the time, she is a daddys girl but there are times when she even treats him this way. I know my mom doesnt punish her behavior because she thinks she is a terrible mother so it has gone into a viscious cycle. She has kept her grades up, however. My mother is not a terrible mother, at all. My parents are still together, we have everything we want including a lake house. I go to a private college and have a 3.8 GPA, i don’t do drugs, neither does she. She is tall and beautiful. I dont know what is wrong with her but I am afraid she is becoming a danger to herself. This is so far beyond normal teenage rebellion, it’s ridiculous.
Hi Gabriel,
I am sorry what your going through. I think the only thing you can do is put your foot down and tell her get help or your leaving.
I think that based on the past (you have protected her, took the blame and so on..) she expects that that behavior will continue and so she keep treating you worse. I do believe that when they find out that your playing anymore and they really care for you, that that behavior will stop.
My husband also treated me bad and whenever I caught him on a lie/ or after he treated me bad and I tell him, he would lie again or pretend it never happened or would act like he understood but I did not. (For example we went on holiday and he wanted to have sex. I told him we need to turn up the tv otherwise the people next door might hear us.. well he got so mad and stuff like that.. anyway when he came down from his mood and I talked to him about he was like… no we could not have sex because otherwise the people next door would hear us… )
At the moment he left (for a stupid reason and he noticed he made a mistake) instead of being a man and accept the mistake he will try to shift blame on me (before I always took blame, for the peace , but it is getting old now).
He might crash soon and I will see if he is ready to stay on his meds and therapy, if not I know I tried everything I could.
I hope your wife will get help soon and you can continue your relationship.
good luck
I too have a daughter that I believe is Bi-polar and I Know is an alcoholic. she is 27 and has me so worried that I don’t know what to do.
I have read all of these posts, and can understand and relate to all of them.
What can we do and where can we get help for these children? as parents, we feel helpless.
We love these children, but, unfortunately at
times we feel true hatred this leads to guilt.
where do we go for help? what are the first steps?
My husband is Bipolar 2, and OCD. I’m Bipolar 1, and ED-nos, I found this site while trying to decide whether to stay on my meds. or ask my psy to take me off because “normal” feels WAY to strange. Thank-you for helping me decide NOT to. We are currently in the process of seeing if our son has our illness or if it’s learned behavior from when we were unmedicated, and/or mis-diagnosed. Thank-you again!
I have read through so many of these replies. I am numb -our 24 year old daughter is displaying so many of the symptoms mentioned here.So many pieces of the puzzle are coming together from reading all this. The lying manipulating living stress to stress drama to drama, grandiosity, delusional thinking, narcissism, impulsiveness, not sleeping right, highs and lows in mood level, feeling nothing for other people, anger, seething, change in character not being able to focus using poor judgment, Taking off to NY meeting up with strange people she met on a forum, and so much more. We are desperate to get her into the right treatment we just put the pieces together 3 days ago after researching about Narcissism and other mental illnesses. Bi- polar fits so much of what she is exhibiting Thank you for all for writing your experiences.
I’m ready to sever ties with my daughter too. In three months she’ll be 18 and I’m counting down the days. I’ve done everything I could. The other family members can only take her in small doses (usually that is 3 days max) and have all moved away. I am the only one left in her life and it’s been difficult, even her own father doesn’t see her much anymore. I’m too the point where I’ve considered suicide myself because I’m so tired of it all. I’ve also used the system all I could, now she is an adult and I have no say. I fear that when she moves out things will get worse and she’ll take her own life. I don’t want to be around to see it. I’m finished with this nightmare illness.
I know how you feel . My daughter is 18 and a half and has been so intensely manipulative and the lying and deceit never stop. We all get nervous when she is “quiet” and there is no drama and then next thing you know, she is pregnant by a convicted felon who is 16 years older than her. It is one thing after another. Sometimes I feel like I am swimming towards the shore and a wave comes, then another wave comes and I cannot even catch my breath.
Be strong. Distance yourself. The time is near that she will be doing this to herself and not you.
Stay strong.
Be well.
I am really happy to have found this site. My daughter is 38 and has had bi-polar since she had her first child. I do wonder whether the fact that she did drugs from University onwards brought it on. We have always been very close, when she got really bad after her second child, her husband sent her over to us (they live in the States) we looked after her for 8 months. Then she wanted to divorce her husband. We bought her a house and then she promptly stopped taking her meds, and began getting more and more paranoid, not coming round, and telling everyone who would listen how awful we were. In the end, she left the four bedroomed house that we had bought her like the Marie Celeste, and took our grandchildren to the states with the husband she said she wanted to divorce!! She left us with a house she had chosen, (which we told her was not a good buy), and it took us 18 months of paying the mortgage before we could sell it. I was heart broken, and felt completely used.
However this was not enough for her, last summer she wrote me an evil email blaming me for everything that was wrong in her life, saying she was neglected as a child etc,etc. She was really spoiled as a child!
Then she began writing a blog on Psychobabble, (you may like to look at it) giving me a total character assassination, I was the most evil person that lived. I was heartbroken and it wasn’t until I started looking “lies and bi-polar” that I began to realise this was just the illness talking, which makes it slightly more bearable. Her husband is a “Street Performer” and so they are always in debt, and he is the rudest, most arrogant man I have ever met, who also blames me for everything, I am now thinking that he may have bitten off more than he can chew, as she is so ill.. Last summer she was sectioned and had to have ECT, which shows you how bad she is. Finally I heard from her on Christmas day, when out of the blue, after the viscious email she sent in the summer, she emailed me and wished me a merry christmas, and a good new year. I left it for a week and then wrote and wished her the same, but in addition I told her I had read all her blogs – I have not heard from her since!
I feel for you Jane. My daughter is 22 and she blames everything on my invalid husband and myself. We are raising her daughter who is 3 and a blessing.
We have continuously gotten her out of jail, paid fines, watched as she parades her men in and out of our home. She has no respect for herself or anyone else. She uses people until they are used up and throws them away or they finally get her told.
She takes no responsibility for anything. She is on and off of meds and around her menstral cycle it is worse than ever.
I am finacially drained, physically drained and emotionally exhausted.
I thought of just cutting her off completely but how?
She sends me violent verbally abusive e-mails and threathens to take the baby all the time. She states that she is independent and on her own and wants us out of her life and then calls and needs food, money and to borrow the car.
I almost wish she would just go away. I really don’t think I can take this anymore.
Son is in a five year relationship with a bipolar woman. She can be the most pleasant person when she is “normal” but when she is not then the threats, lies, tantrums and abuse start.
If he stays she hits him, if he leaves she screams like a three year old, she threatens police (today because he took a shower that was too long). If he restrains her from hitting him she claims abuse because she has a black and blue from where he holds her wrist.
Their son gets upset because of the fighting and we intervene because of the grandson.
We want to stay out of it but she has threatened suicide several times and has threatened to disappear out of state if we do not comply.
We can not plan family activities because she is so unpredictable.
I have tried the tact of making it clear what we will tolerate or not but am really at my wits end. Most research says they are ill and to make allowances but she is damaging her son, my son and my family. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle the threats without ignoring them?
My brother has been married to a woman about 12 year. He was thinking about becoming a priest and was counseling her. I guess it was some sort of savior complex he may have. He was counseling her because she had previously tried to cut her wrists when previous boyfriends had left her. That should have been a hint. Then we found out that she had filed a report around the age of 12-13 that her cousin had raped her. Most of her family believed she was lying and wold not speak to her except her own family. Will never know because I was to there. It could have happened but most things show it is more doubtful. My brother decided not to become a priest, she got pregnant, and then they got married. Her father was not happy when he found out my brother was in school to become a nurse and that he was not becoming a doctor. Her whole family are alcoholics and her sister has even been to rehab(which we just found out). She has proven multiple times to other people that she was jealous when my husband and I bought a new car years ago, and when we remodeled our master bath. She thought my dad said he was leaving his home to hey brother and her in his will, but my mom clarified to her that it is going to my brother and I in the will. She then got very pissed off and angry and said that was not what he said. I was also told she told someone how upset she was when I finally lost all my baby weight from my first pregnancy(which took a lot of work on my part). She was extremely overweight when my brother met her, and started looking almost anorexic a few years later. At that point she started to think that all men though she was gorgeous and that they all wanted her. At my sons second birthday party we said there was not going to be alcohol since it was a child’s party. Things were going fine but she got there late and started pulling out my wine from my cabinets(where it is stored). She started opening and drinking it even though I said no alcohol. She drank so much she could not drive. Instead of going home with my brother and their girls, she said to leave her and she would drive home once she sobered up. A short time before that she asked my dad and his wife about their sex life and did the same to my husband and I(who the hell does that). We were all so uncomfortable. My husband went out front to smoke, and she told my brother she wanted to talk to him about my 30th birthday party. She followed him out and took one of his cigarettes. She does not smoke. My family thought that was weird that she did that. My brother left her and we were with her the whole time. My husband, his mom, and myself. She went to the bathroom and I thought she was getting sick, but then I heard her on the phone with a guy from her work. She told him she was going to try to head over to his house a block away soon, but she had to get her keys which I took away. She even asked my husband what he though about her going to a get together at a co-workers house, and he said no, go home to your husband and kids. We offered to drive her and bring her back to get her car in the morning. I called my brother and told him about the phone call in the bathroom. He then called her and she preceded to lie to him. I took her home, and 2days later got a phone call from my brother telling me I could come to the party at his house the following week as long as my husband did not touch her. No grabbing her boob or putting his hand other backside. News to us….my husband was angry. We were with both of them the whole night and that never happened. Then he told us this happened once before and it was at a party at his house a week after I had a miscarriage and surgery. She had gotten drunk….followed my husband outside when he was smoking, and took a cigarette from him. She was in no way even walking straight and when a friend looked out their notice she was leaning. Well she leaned onto my husband, and when she got near him he put his hand on her hip, lower back to stand her up again(away from him). Previous parties they had, had been the same. They would invite my husbands band members(most with wives or girlfriends) and she would be wasted and would go sit on their laps. She even told my best friends husband(in the band)that if it did not work out with him and his wife, she would be waiting for him. She did it in front of my brother, but I think he was at the point where he blocks out stuff she says sometimes. She leans on him and is hands on with them. My brother and sister in law tried to get my mom to take sides. Well if you invite them to one holiday, you can invite us to the other, but never the same. She said no. She was not taking sides. She did tell my brother he needed to talk to his wife about her alcohol issues. My sister in law then started trying to manipulate my dad and step family and all her friends. She told my brother since my mom had made the alcohol comment, that she was to going to let my mom see the kids anymore. The 2 girls she helped raise and watched almost 4 days a week. My dad knew she was lying too but would not stand up to her due to what he saw happening to my mom. And he only saw the girls 2-3 times a year. It has now been almost 4 years that my family and my mom has not seen my brother or nieces. How did she manipulate my brother that much. My dad said my brother seems down a lot and that my sister in law out on excessive weight again and drinks like crazy. She is going to mess up the girls. Her mom talks about sex when she is drunk just like her daughter. Her sister has been in rehab 2x and accused a guy of touching her when she was drunk because she did not want the guys she had been dating to think she purposely got friendly with the guys. I know this is detailed, but I never knew how far the manipulation could go. When all this happened I looked at all her actions and went o. The Internet. I told my brother I though something was wrong with her mentally. I told him I looked it up online and thought she was bipolar. I just found out a few months ago that she was diagnosed with being bipolar(3 1/2 years later), and that she to.d my cousins new wife she that she get a disability check for it :-(. She went to see our family on the east coast and only told a few of the family member thy were going to be there. They made a bunch of aunts and uncles and cousins upset for to letting them know they were there. They told our other cousins it was because she was worried the other ones talked to us, and would call us and let us know. As if we would fly across the country. Like we would fly on a plane to confront them, when they live 20 min away. They moved and changed their phone number after the incident, and would not give us any of the Info. Not that you can’t get an address of the Internet. We sent gifts for Xmas and bdays, through my dad, but they started leaving them at the bottom of the driveway almost in the street when we were not home :-(. It’s all so very upsetting. I don’t know if my brother is seeing it or if he is that confused. We are hoping he is just sticking it out for the girls, and he is just not talking to us because he thinks she will try to take them. Even though I don’t think she would get them because of her being bipolar and formerly trying to slit her wrists. All of this adds up now, but back then my mom and I spent hours a day crying and not knowing what was happening. We were pissed at my brother too, but now we are less angry at him and more At her. We try to let things go though. My youngest boy has never met my brother or his cousins due to my sister in law 🙁
Tam-Tam and Denise,
I feel for you guys too. My brother is married to a bipolar bitch. She has manipulated her way through my dad and now is manipulating my crazy mom. My mom has not been diagnosed but she is very mentally ill and can easily be persuaded. My brother is basically controlled by this woman so much that he hardly talks with my dad or myself. She has recently dropped my dad because she could not get him to go her way and stop talking to me. He was not himself for a while but has come around since then. She also borrowed money from him but told him not to tell my brother with no intentions of paying him back. He told me and I told my brother everything. She had my dad convinced that I would have been the cause of their divorce. I have twin boys and she wanted to be pregnant at the same time basically so she could trap my brother. She succeeded and now they have a 6 year old daughter. She came to Georgia to pick my mom up and while here she started shit with me and I am at the point that I feel I need a restraining order against her and my mom. My mom is just the same and Sara is exactly like her except she is cunning and can manipulate my mom like a puppet. They have threatened to go to court for grandparents rights and I am at my wits end with this crazy bitch. She hates me because my life is for the most part going well and my boys are great. I am afraid that she may try something crazy because in GA the grandparents rights law does not apply since my husband and I are married. I am thinking her next step would be for false allegations of child abuse. I do know what to do and my mom is just as bad except she is influencing her to start shit with me so that I will go off on them. I did go off and told them about themselves last Wensday and this was probably wrong for me to do but I am so sick of all of my sil’s bullshit, lies and cunning evil ways. I used to feel sorry for this bitch but after all of her antics and shit she has pulled I have been done for a while. Anyways I just wanted to say I personally can say I understand and I am sorry that you guys and all of the people on this site have to deal with this illness and sometimes what I would say is attention seeking people who have bi polar.
I know exactly what you’re going through. No matter what is wrong with your children, the only way you can stop adult children treating you badly is removing them from your space. It’s difficult because we, as grandmothers or mothers always feel for the children. Once they are no longer in your space and they ask you why they are no longer allowed in your space, this is the only time you can say all that you always wanted to say without them ignoring you. This doesn’t mean that you let them back into your space, it just means that you are on your way back to a healthy mind, body and soul. If you are not healthy, then you are no good to anyone; especially to yourself. It is a vicious cycle once we let “energy vampires” suck the life out of us. I can see if they were still young children but “adults behaving badly”, they too have to learn the true reality of life. If you continue to allow this, you are not teaching them to be responsible adults, even if they have disorders. Many people with disorders are responsible with jobs and families. If they choose to learn the hard way, then you have to respect they method of choice. On a positive note: this truly works and it doesn’t matter what religion or what your belief is. These words repeated over and over changes any situation. I promise. Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. The only way to see actual proof is to do it for a week; preferably an hour each day. Wake up early and do it before anyone else wakes up. Go to YouTube and bring up “Nam Myoho Renge Kyo – 1 Hour Diamoku” (daimoku is chanting these words over and over). If you can’t do it for an hour straight, just pause it and go back. Also, if you don’t have a computer, you can just say it over and over by yourself.
It means “devotion to the mystic law of cause and effect through sound (your own voice). It’s difficult to know why we have the children we have and why we go through what we go through. But when you chant these words, it lessens what we are presently experiencing. Then, through our consistent efforts, the situation changes; whether they begin to take the right meds, finding the right doctor, or they might find a spiritual path and realize and appreciate you, as a mother. Begin this moment. Just try it for a day and see how you feel. You don’t have to go on you tube but it’s easy to do it to something you can hear. An hour is the amount that I highly recommend since you are completely in need of a miracle. Aloha. Many famous people chant because money and fame doesn’t guarantee true happiness.
Bob Newhart, Tina Turner, Orlando Bloom. This is also a good website to learn more. http://lotusflowersgi.blogspot.com/2010/04/chanting-nam-myoho-renge-kyo-greatest.html
Ok I would like to start off my saying that I know how frustrating it can be to deal with someone you love that has bipolar disorder. I have an older brother who is a bipolar alcoholic. But one thing I have had to make myself think is “how does he feel” that illness isn’t something they asked for. I’m sure it makes them feel like they are crazy and they don’t belong anywhere on a daily basis. The ratio of bipolar disorder patients whose family cuts ties with them commit. Suicide is 60%+ be thankful YALL aren’t the ones with this disorder. Y’all don’t know how it feels to them or what is going on In their heads. Do you think they actually WANT to be the way they are or act the way they do? No they don’t but they don’t have a choice.
I’ve wanted to give up and say F it I’m done. But I knew that wouldn’t hell them. Itd make it worse. I’m sure they’d like to be normal but they aren’t. So try and take a step back and see how they feel. Yea we to through ALOT but its an illness and its something they will have to deal with forever.
Thank you for your candor.i needed to hear that. I have a 20 son who was recently diagnosed. And I’m scared and just want my son back. My husband and I just want to do what is right for him. But it’s hard. Are there normal bipolar people out there?
I am SO glad to read these blogs! Just saw them. Not glad that so many have similar issues, but Oh My – I am NOT the only one out there. Maybe I am bipolar or menatlly ill, but I’ve functioned through life, holding down jobs and 32 yr. (unhappily married). Now (since 06 basically) I am raising 4 grandchildren (1bipolar, 1 autistic, 1 ppd, 1 without problems identified as yet) of my bipolar/borderline daughter. I pray often that God will show me how to love and act for the kids’ mental/emotional health. I believe parents should be involved w/ their kids, but with the roller coaster/ meds manipulation/ substance abuse – and oh the lies and on and on. How do I keep sane? Thank you all who shared because I CAN hang on…. others have and continue to do so.
Not all bi polar people are this way.They are good hearted people
I am so glad to have access to this site. I am sorry that so many people seem to know exactly what our family is going through. I feel so helpless and so tired and worn out and worried for my daughter.
I wish there was a formula to use when you see a family member on a path of self destruction that could help them see what they are doing to themselves and their families.
How I wish…. But it is not there, just more of the same. More lies. More deceit. More trouble. More and more pain. Less and less reality every day for Emily. More and more pain for all those who love her.
I thank all the people who are taking the time to post here. It has been so helpful for me.
My daughter is 45, her dad suffered serious depression and shot himself at 42. My dad was bipolar and the chaos that this illness causes had been destructive to the family unit, all members and loved ones. My dad has since passed, so it’s moving on only to deal with my daughter. I have done everything possible to help although unless someone helps themselves there is little that can be done except to leave loved ones frustrated and sick. After years of watching her odd and destructive behavior, her alcoholism has now permanently damaged her liver and it’s just a matter of time. Couldn’t do Thanksgiving with her because she insisted she was going to have a glass of wine no matter how I felt. She literally can hardly get around has massive health issues and not a lot of time. Still, she feels the alcohol is what helps her most…..causing the worst chaos ever! My heart goes out to all, it has really effected my health knowing I will probably bury my only daughter. We need to remind ourselves, it’s not our fault although on my down days, I question all my mistakes in life that has effected her. None of which were bad things, just too young to be the best mother I could have been…healing wishes and blessing to all…
So so very sorry for all of you. I feel as though I have been reading my own story in your posts.
My story is similar. The most recent incident , ( There have been many) ….My sister became angry after she found out about my mother’s will and has lied to family members and local authorities to try to get even with me.
She and her boyfriend have posted lies for years about me and my children. She has put our full names on line to try to sabatage my reputation and make us look bad.
Hello ~ My story mirrors many above. Up front, I need to say that regardless of whether an illness is the cause, I refuse to live with someone who is abusive and down-right mean. This was the decision that I made after almost 8 years of hell with my exhusband, and a decision that I was forced to make again after years of trying to help my daughter. She is now 25, and has accused me of everything under the sun. I think that she believes some of the stories (she is delusional at times) and I think that sometimes it is her uncontollable manipulations. Her aggression and irrational hatred toward me was too much to deal with, so I told her to find an apartment and get a job, and I would help her do both. She tells everyone that I put her on the street. Whatever. When I stop my life to tend to her, she hates me and does not get better. And you know what? When I live my life and pray for her to get better, she hates me and does not get better. Knowing this and knowing that I did everything hunanly possible to help her (and her father when we were married) allows me to live my life. I think that is great that some people do get better and have full lives. But she shows no signs of joining this group. For those whose relatives are manipulative, self-centered, habitual liars, abusive, scary, and dangerous, you might understand my decision. I can live with the fallout, but I can’t live with her. Her illness stole her; she is not even my daughter anymore. I feel guilty because I am glad that she is gone. I feel guilty because my entire family is so much happier with her gone. I think to myself, “What kind of mother says that?” I don’t have the answer, but I know that I can’t love her to health and loving her was killing me. Still, I am torn. I want to give others the grace that still evades me; I want someone to give me permission to mourn her and move on. So even though I am not there yet, I want to say to all of the parents, siblings, and grandparents: I understand, I get it, you are right to free yourself from the insanity, and I love you for taking back your life. To the “Joes” out there, it seems that you are not suffering the way that others do , so please don’t sit in judgment. I’d like to see you sing the virtues of unconditional committment to someone with bipolar, etc. after just 3 months with my daughter or about 2 weeks with my ex!!
I’m convinced My 14 year old daughter has full blown narcissistic personality disorder. She is making our life hell, including that of her 4 other sisters. It causes a massive amount of stress in my relationship with my husband. At 13 we made her move in with her biological dad, so she now divides her time between our house and his. I feel a lot of judgement from others, including various therapists, but it is the only way we could get a break and our other daughters are innocent parties who I would prefer not to be permanently damaged by her diabolical behaviour. We haven’t been able to get a diagnosis yet despite seeing various professionals, as she is very intelligent and clever at distorting a kernel of truth into elaborate lies that paint her as the victim. I too am counting down the years until she is old enough to be independent. Still it breaks my heart not to have her permanently under my roof as I love her of course. But I have 6 other people to protect. It has been a very difficult road to walk. If anyone knows a psychiatrist here in perth Western Australia who is not afraid to call a spade a spade I would be interested to have their contact details.
I have read through many of these, and it is nice to be able to unload, but where is there any help? I am going broke because of my 34 year-old bipolar daughter. I am either abused, or getting accused of abusing her. I am a sitting duck at my jobs–I have had to have two jobs to keep up with her financial debacles. I generally have to give in to her, in order to avoid a scene at work and risk getting fired. Her siblings don’t want a lot to do with me, or come visit, not because of me, but because of her. I am lonely and isolated and at the end of my rope. I have severe health problems and have had to forego some medications, in order to pay for hers and to avoid trouble. She lives on her own and her therapists all say she is “high functioning.” If this is high functioning, God knows what “low functioning” means. She is clearly incompetent, but the darned laws seem to protect her. I have been suicidal off and on and hope that the illness that I have, will kill me soon.
I know I was somewhat dramatic in my first post, but geez, where does it all end? I love my daughter, but I have COPD and have to have my meds. I sound like a selfish pig, but enough is enough.
To all,
I have a 2 daughters, one is 42 the other 39. Each were reasonably good kids all through the early life up and through college. The sisters were like most sisters argumentative, younger one more than the older one. I never hit or admonished my daughter all through their lives, I participated as a coach in their early years in basketball, softball & soccer, I was involved not controlling, in fact each has said, I was there more than their mother. I only asked each not to talk marriage until out of college and over 25 (I was married at 19, now 47 years, lucky I guess). I want it understood I am not a bigot, I further asked each not to bring home a boyfriend of another ethnicity, I explained that it was still not widely accepted by either ethnicity. Additionally I asked them never to bring cops or drugs into my house for any reason.
In any event this was all I ever asked, work hard respect me and take my advice to heart. Well each went to college and eventually married, older has 2 sons and younger now has 6 daughters. I apologize for the long winded background. Well the older daughter acted much like I expected a wholesome attitude and life style. Unfortunately the younger daughter had periodic windows where she would attack neighbors and mothers of children who were in the same class as the grand-daughters. Anyway about 3 years ago my younger daughter came to my house and asked for something which I had been holding for her (it was money), upon giving it to her she started a tirade at me with many four letter words. I couldn’t believe she was attacking me as she had other neighbors and friends. I lost my cool and proceeded to her home and continued the argument until she started to hit and claw me with her nails. I summarily put up my hand and forced her away, my hand was above her chest at the base of her neck. She says within the context of this argument, oh good your choking me now I can call the police.
I will stop there only because the rest is a costly exercise with family court and a civil restraint. She summarily severed her relationship with neighbors and friends and packed up the girls and moved away.
I have tried to reach out to her but she isn’t interested, btw the last 2 grand daughters were born after she moved and I haven’t met them yet. The older girls were taught to turn their back to me and not acknowledge me when in their presences. I don’t know how to reach her to seek help she drastically needs. Anyone have a suggestion, thanks Dad
PS there is a lot more but I can’t get through this without crying.
I can relate so well to so many of these stories. I am just another battle-weary mom who has given everything to help my child. After 12 years of abuse and lies and too much heartbreak to account I’m at the point of walking away.
I never thought I could feel this way. When this all started, I was my child’s greatest advocate. I’ve spent house in emergency wards, pulled my child out of I don’t know how many dens of hell, supported them, encouraged them, provided every source of support and assistance I can produce.
I don’t know how to come to terms with the idea that I am abandoning my child by cutting ties. A child who is now a 30 year old adult and has had the benefit of the best medical treatments, therapists, a loving family who has consistently sacrificed for them.
I love the person my child used to be. They were beautiful, bright, kind, empathic. The person they become when they are ill is someone of monstrous proportions who none of us recognize. They lie, they cheat, they steal, they attack, blame and lately, have become violent. They have no concern for anyone but themselves, the fifteen minutes ahead of them and what they want in the immediate moment.
And yes, I know all about the meds. They take their meds with reminders from me. Until they start to become scattered and forgetful and then deliberate in their belief that they don’t need medication because they’re not ill. Their only problem is a mother who they insist is controlling and abusive and they call the police on me, again. Or run away, again. Or lie about me, again. Or hurt me, again.
For a few precious days or weeks out of each year, we get our daughter back. That’s after the mania, after the depression. In those moments, its as if the demon that has taken possession of her briefly lets her go and we can freely say “I love you” to one another.
I feel so let down by the mental health system. So many times I have brought her to hospitals and pleaded with them to admit her so she wouldn’t be killed because she gets into cars with strangers or sleeps with anyone who walks by. “People are allowed to make bad choices,” they tell me. And if I protest, if I say, “She needs help! We wouldn’t let a child make these kind of choices — why do we allow an adult with diminished capacity due to a recognized illness do so?!”
If beds are open, I might get her admitted. If beds aren’t, they accuse me of being an enabling parent and tell me she’s making her own choices. They pretend she isn’t really ill when it suits their own purposes as if the only option for a truly responsible non-enabling parent would be to pretend the doctors DIDN’T tell me my child has a brain disorder they can’t control that might cause them to get themselves killed and most certainly means they will never be able to work, marry or have a “normal” life.
I long ago walked away from a career. I have no friends. My marriage barely exists along with my relationships with my other children. I don’t think I can bear any more. I tell myself have to let her go because if I don’t this will kill me. But I also think abandoning my child will also kill me. What kind of mother abandons their ill child?!
What would help my daughter most was if the old fashioned institutions still existed and she could live there in a protected and contained environment. But those places do not exist anymore. Instead, we have “community based care” where doctors and nurses get paid to converse with patients for 15 minutes and nod their head when their patients say, “Everything’s fine! Everything’s great!”
Then they walk out the door to wreak complete havoc and heartbreak upon everything they touch while the professionals continue to collect their paycheques and families go out of their minds with grief and stress and heartache as they watch this disease literally consume their child and their lives before their eyes.
There are no easy answers for the sufferer or their families. The laws do not allow us to ensure the people we love truly get the help and support they need. They do ensure that professionals who are supposed to help them and us, can continue to collect their paycheque while we go without one because our lives have become devoted to caregiving and grieving.